The Life of a Clown Prince Of Crime
by Infernokota
Summary: Lex Luthor had a theory that there are an infinite amount of universes, some just like our own with only one or two key events changed. The odds that in all of those universes the Joker didn't have a single heir is laughable at best.
1. Prologue

**"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."**

**-Ron White**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

Prologue

"Interviewing Patient# 21401"

"Hey doc, how's the kids. Wife still gone?"

"B-Back on track."

"There was a track? Anyway, so what will it be today? Ink blots, word association or, dare I say it, my childhood?"

"Exactly."

"Er…What now?"

"I'm asking of you to tell me the events of your life from your kidnapping-"

"Adoption."

"From your _kidnapping_, to the end."

"The very end?"

"The very end."

"…How long ya got doc?"

**A/N: So plans to re-write the first second and third chapters are still floating around, not quite yet, but don't be afraid of reading past those, I promise that by the fourth chapter the writing will be significantly better. I Guarantee that it'll be great (by my standards at least) by the fifth/Sixth.**

**Probably.**

**Maybe.**

**Don't quote me on that.**

**(Damn, that sounded desperate.)**

**R&R**

**-Infernokota**


	2. Chapter 1: The Beginning of Something

**"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."**

**-Steve Martin**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

The Jester wasn't what you would expect him to be. He wasn't a huge brute that was the right hand man; he wasn't the splitting image of the Joker, or Harley Quinn. No, he was a child abducted by two psychopaths that would live his life as one of the largest menaces this universe (and many others) would know.

* * *

He was three. A mere toddler. His parents had taken him and his older sister by four years to the bank. It was _so _much cheaper than hiring a babysitter for a family living paycheck to paycheck.

He did what most children did: stayed with his parents while his sister had went over to talk to a boy she supposedly knew.

It was what you'd expect. Very boring. And young Pre-Jester made that very well known.

"Momma, when can we go home?" The child asked.

"We can go home in a little bit, Daddy just needs to finish this payment, and then we can go to Red Robins ok?"

The child looked down and nodded.

It was at that moment that everything went downhill.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we're here to rob you all buttmunch blind, savvy?" It was mass panic as everyone scrambled about. They knew who that was, they watched the news

A woman in red and black unloaded a SMG into the air.

"Hey shut up! Let Mr. J finish his talk, ok?" the purple suited man pinched the woman's cheek,

"Thank you Harls, now give us all your money and we'll kill you."

One brave (see: stupid) man stood up slowly and asked,

"Don't you mean or we'll kill you?"

"I know what I said!" Joker snapped before shooting the man in the head with a very large and powerful revolver.

"Alright, C?" a large fit man stepped forwards.

"Throw the gas."

The man put a gas-mask on, then lifted his hand and gestured forward. A dozen more armed men threw gas cans forward into the throng of people.

Harley skipped forwards, not needing a gas mask (special thanks to Ivy) and looked around before coming across a child, little more than a toddler, she squealed and picked him up as he drifted into and out of consciousness.

"Puddin', Puddin'! Can I keep him, can I keep him, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease."

"Aw, you little minx, I could never say no to that face. But know, keeping a child is a lot of responsibility, you need to feed him, change him, and take him on daily walks." Joker replied.

"Yay! You're the best Mr. J" she said as she ran over and hugged him, to which he pushed her off.

"Harley! Not in public!" he snapped at her.

"Sorry puddin'"

"It's all right, just don't do it again. All right, somebody, get the little money stealer back to the base. The young man nodded.

* * *

Harley finished the gooping of the special applesauce she had made up at Joker's command.

Walking over to the chair that the child was sitting in she sat down across from him with a spoonful of the gunk,

"Here comes the Batmobile, vroom vroom!" the kid laughed and Harley took the chance to put the spoon in the kid's mouth. The kid instantly stated gagging and she picked him up and patted him on the back till he burped.

"That's a good little munchkin." She cooed. "We're going to go put you to bed." She carried him to a very large room that was painted green with a baby carriage moved up against the corner of the wall.

"Hush little baby don't say a word, mama's going to kill for you the whole damn world, and if they don't laugh at our jokes, mama's going to stab out their goddamn throats, and if they start to run away, mama's going to paint the streets with blood. And once the blood starts to wash off, mama's going to blow some more heads off, and if the world still doesn't laugh, mama's going to go poison them, and once the poison does its job, mama's going to show you your legacy, and if the world still tries to fight, mama's going to burn their houses down, and if you grow up with his smile, mama's going so proud of you…"

Stepping out of the room she slowly closed the door and turned around seeing the Joker there wiping a possibly invisible tear from his eye.

"That… was… beautiful ."

"Thank ya Mr. J."

* * *

Joker had no need to meet the little food eater. He really didn't. There wasn't anything special about him. He had no potential as far as he could tell. It was after a relatively pleasant visit by Batman when he was in a pleasant enough mood to actually bother to talk to the snot.

Walking to the kid's (they still didn't have a name for him) room, he took one look at him and motioned with his index finger for him to follow the older man.

Leading him to the training room that he had for the thugs that actually made him proud, especially the loyal ones.

He took another look at the scrawny kid and laughed as the young one looked down at himself. It wasn't long till the kid laughed with him. Joker smiled to himself. Time with Harley already made him loony.

Putting his hand on the child's shoulder he jolted the kid back to reality. The kid narrowed his eyes at him for a moment before widely opening them. Taking a shuddering step backwards the kid weakly raised an arm at him.

Joker knew these things. He saw this in most of his victims: shock. Doing what he found instinctive he reached an arm backwards and roughly slapped him.

The kid reached a hand up to his cheek in shock. Joker stated very simply,

"You were going into shock." The kid laughed again to Joker's surprise. "You should smile more Kid, it'll do ya good." The kid laughed again. This kid was already bonkers. Reaching for the canister he had behind him, the Joker twisted the nozzle and sprayed the green gas into the kid's face. Giving it a minute, the Joker feigned surprise,

"Kid I don't know who you are, or how Harls managed to pick you out, but you are the first, other than yours truly, to be naturally immune to my toxin."

They sat there for a minute until the Joker sent the shocked kid back to his room. He needed to work on the toxin.

The kid did as Joker ordered and went back to his room and didn't speak for twelve long years, not to Harley, not to the random thugs that the Joker had sent to check on him, not anyone.

Now, talking to someone is different than not spending time with someone. He would go watch the Joker tinker with this gadget or that, or experiment with the toxin. The Joker would talk aimlessly at him about stuff, although he didn't answer, he knew the kid listened to him. He would spend time with Harley who would talk a million words a minute all motherly like.

* * *

Eventually Joker had had enough. He had the kid come to a room that he liked to call his 'fun time' room, but what was truly a torture room.

Putting a table and a chair in the room he sat the very important looking man in a chair and found the largest knife that he could on the table in front of the chair and had Charade bring the kid down.

The kid didn't know why he was being called down, nor did he think to ask. He knew that Joker was getting increasingly irritated by his silence.

Sitting down in the dark room he waited for four minutes (he counted) until the lights turned on, revealing a white room with a table, a chair with a beat up suit wearing man, and his adopted parents relaxing on either side of him.

His mind took a moment to catch up with him.

"You… you … want me to- to _kill_ him." They both nodded happily. He had an inner argument with himself,

_I can't kill him. Yes you can. No, I can't, even if I wanted to… I just can't. But if you don't… then they will, and they will do much worse than you could._ He gasped at the revelation. He would put this man out of misery, before they could do much worse.

Walking forwards he picked up the knife. Walking around the table he looked sheepishly at the man who glared at his parents as if he wanted to say something, unfortunately he was gagged.

The child plunged the knife into the man's heart, not bothering to notice the lack of ribs in the man. He looked at the man with a tear in his eye,

"I'm sorry." The man looked at him before letting out a muffled, "psychopath." though whether to his parents or the child himself, he didn't know.

He could almost _hear_ the sound of his sanity cracking.

Stepping back, he gaped at the dead man before turning and running back to his room.

He pushed and yelled at any goon in his way, the word psychopath running through his head over and over like a mantra.

Running through one excessively large goon, the pushed man muttered,

"Psycho," the kid stopped running and looked back at the man, he asked softly,

"What did you say?"

With his friends behind him, he gained confidence,

"You's a psycho-" he was interrupted by the teen running at him at full force, his extra momentum allowing him to push the much larger man down, screaming bloody murder.

His friends pulled the struggling teen off of the mostly dead man more than likely preparing to fight the skinny teen.

One of the goons looked forward to see C and the Joker glaring at the group.

"Entrance. Now." Joker hissed, shooting a venomous glare as he absolutely seethed. Charade walked over and gently led the teen back to his room. He never learned what happened to the thugs, but he could guess from the gunshots echoing through the base.

He spent the rest of his day in his room and moved horrendously slow.

* * *

**Later That Night**

* * *

He didn't know what time it was when he woke up in the nasty room that passed for a bathroom in this place, blood on his hands, in the sink, on the knife, wait, the what? He looked up at the mirror and saw the most horrifying thing ever. He had cut a Glasgow into my mouth and had dyed his hair half green and half purple. In his sleep. That was not quite right. Actually, is that even physically possible? But alas, he did what most sensible (or possibly going insane, in his case) would have done. He screamed. A lot. Then he promptly blacked out.

He woke up the next morning being shook by his Mom who had makeup and a domino mask on wearing red and black spandex with a very large grin. She practically screamed, "Comeongetupandputyouroutfitonweregoingonaheisttogether!" before running out. It took him a minute to piece together what she said. Then he realized she had left him something. In a pile was a lot of purple and green clothes and makeup material. He put the outfit on… and it was actually really cool. It was a green and purple jester's cap with bells on the points and a purple mouth mask, a high collared tight green shirt with purple running right beneath the collar and on top of the arms and three purple triangles; beneath the purple strip, at the top of his abs, and one right beneath that, golden wolf medallions embedded into both arms and in the middle of the chest, elbow long green gloves with purple armor type deals on top and golden studs on the knuckles, a golden belt attached to a long green half apron thing with a large golden silk roman legion-type symbol in the middle, baggy green pants with a large purple dragon on the outside side of the right leg tucked into green jester boots with bells on the end points. He put the white makeup on the majority of his face, a messy red grin around his newly extended mouth, and messy black makeup around his eyes.

Walking to the entrance of the base, he was greeted by his parents standing with a group of thugs. When the Joker saw him he gave a long wolf whistle, while Harley clapped and made the others clapped.

"Alright we'll be having a…. special guest. Or two. So you'll be picking one of my elites behind me to be a personal bodyguard, pick wisely because they'll be sticking with you for a long time."

Taking a look at them for a moment he looked back at the Joker,

"Don't I get to know what they are good at?" he seemed to smile wider at that.

"Nope."

The teen sighed to himself while he looked at the elites before walking up to one, looking at the shotgun wielding man he asked,

"What's your name?"

The man gave a gruff "Charade."

They left a few minutes later and arrived at the bank shortly after. It was fairly simple, His father demanded stuff, and the others got the stuff. Until a loud crash and two thumps behind the teen.

"Looks like the guests of honor finally arrived, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

* * *

**A/N: So, this is my rewrite for the first chapter, in a third person format, to give it more of an introductionary feel, plans to rewrite the second and third chapters are close to the forefront. Although I probably should have been working on the next chapter instead of this. But I digress.**

**Also, the Harley Quinn lullaby is a nod to Arkham City, while the full lullaby was created by missack, so check out the actual song.**

**Also the characters in this story are Arkhamverse, while this isn't strictly the Arkhamverse, they need to be for later.**

**Actually, is Arkhamverse an actual term?**

**Alright, so I'm looking for a beta? Anybody want to volunteer?**

**The voice for my OC is the youtuber Spoonerism (the camping tree) or if you don't know who that is, Burnie Burns from Roosterteeth. Think Church from RvB. Or if you don't know who that is, Stamper the animator, and if you don't know who that is, God help you.**

**Why this is at all relevant, I have no idea.**

**Carry on.**

**LOL (Lots Of Love), R&R**

**-Infernokota**


	3. Chapter 2: Incarceration

**"Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy."  
**

**-Benjamin Franklin**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except for Wolf.**

It was exactly like a horror movie, I could feel them _right behind me._ To fit the horror movie cliché I turned my head very slowly. And saw a large imposing man in a black Kevlar suit, a eared-cowl and a cape, alongside him was a ridiculously dressed teen around my age with pointy shoes and pixie shorts, I mean they didn't even come down to his mid-thighs, they were just so stupid. But I digress. The large man was slightly taken aback by my appearance.

Or at least I assumed so considering he only had half of his face uncovered, while the boy had a look of sorrow. The man in black looked at me, then to my parents, then back to me. He gave them the second most venomous glare (Joker's back at the HQ still held all time champ) and asked

"Who is he?"

Joker replied with "Well of course Bats, he is my newly throned heir-errrrrr, Harley what's his name?"

Mom had a blank face for a moment before shrugging her shoulders quickly before looking to me. It didn't take me long to realize that she was asking me.

"…..The Jester?" Dad looked thoughtful for a moment before laughing loudly,

"He is my newly throned heir, Jester! And we're going to show it to the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

A thought crossed my mind, _what happened to the dwee-_, of course then my thoughts were cut short by the wind being knocked out of me by the colorful boy who held me down in what I presumed to be a very professional position, and yelled to the larger man,

"Batman what do we do with him?" then a very gruff "Batmobile."

Wait….. Batman, Batmobile… Bat-gimmick. So what was the kid's? Struggling to a position where I could actually breath I asked the kid,

"Whats the name. Or gimmick. Gimmick works too." He was presumably thoughtful for a minute before saying "Robin."

Then he unceremoniously threw me into the back of a very shaded sleek car. It was fancy as hell. I could hear faint sounds of fighting, or I assumed it was, then silence, then… sirens? More struggling, laughing, then the man ,Batman, and Robin got in the front seats.

The majority of the ride was silent until Batman said "We could get you help, you don't have to be kept by them." Part of me was astounded, part of me was pissed off, but one, small, small, part of me really wanted to take the deal. My mind made up I looked at the back of Batman's head thoughtfully and said "Nah" before struggling to escape then Robin reached through the little hole and pricked me in the neck with something sharp and it all went dark.

I woke up sometime later in what I guessed was a police station. I looked up at Batman talking to a older man with a brown coat and glasses. I only picked up bits and pieces of the conversation, but what I did hear got my attention.

"We still have to arrest him"

"Gordon we have reason to believe that he was forced by them to participate in the robbery."

"Like what."

"The way he hardly talked, or how he didn't made eye contact with either of him"

Silence for a bit before the older man said with a heavy sigh "My hands are tied. And unless you want to testify for him, he's screwed, he can't go to juvenile detention, the Dent act eliminated serious crimes being forgiven so easily."

He hadn't even notice the Batman sneak out.

The next few weeks was pretty dull, getting me a lawyer (sucked  
), the original court hearing (sucked more) and three more court sessions (sucked an extremely large amount badly) until I was sent to a federal prison, Blackgate I think it was called.

The ride there was uncomfortable as all hell, course I don't know what I was thinking, it was a bunch of grown men (and a teenager) chained to each other an extremely long trip to a giant unescapable building with armed guards.

I knew enough about prisons to be afraid of the 'butt searching' but I was actually surprised when we were confronted by a large room that had metal detectors in the walls that searched us. That was the biggest relief I've ever experienced in my life.

I spent the next few weeks in a schedule you would expect from a prison, nasty food, outside time, shower time (the warden was nice enough to get me shower time alone) but truly I felt like I was truly going insane. The library was the only thing keeping me truly sane. That is until I met someone I never thought I see again: the guy who I had chose to protect me, Charade I think his name was. I looked at him pretty thoroughly, comparing how different he was now from back at the base: the guy had shoulder length green dreads, really muscular with dark skin. He looked completely different from when I last saw him, back then he had a red bandanna covering his mouth with a white grin stitched in, white facepaint with a red dot on the middle of his forehead and two black lines on his eyes, a dark red armored vest with shoulder pads that covered the bottom half of his bandanna, his right arm covered with the armor and then double covered with barbed-wire, fingerless biker gloves, black pants that tucked into knee high armored boots. There was also the shotgun. Don't forget the shotgun.

He looked at me with a surprised look on his face before beckoning me over. And then he was hit in the head police baton and knocked out. It horrified me that prisoners were treated like that. I like to believe that was when I truly went insane, the realization that people could be cruel, cruel creatures and while some, like me and my, were locked up and called insane, while others could obtain powerful seats and use that power to do the stuff we do, but say that it's lawfu, like the guy who hit Charade. Remember the crack from earlier? I'm pretty sure this time it was an audible snap. I think that the prisoners around realized this change and backed away quickly. One must have said something to one of the guards because I was promptly led to the medical room. No one noticed me take the fork.

The doctor checked my eyes, asked me a few questions, the normal checkup stuff. And then I jumped at him. You really don't want to know the full details of what happened, all you need to know was that there was a lot of blood of screaming and ended with guards running up to me standing over the dead doctor with his heart, in my hands. I looked at the guards, who in turn looked ready to barf, and hissed out "Bring. Me. To. Arkham."

And like that, I was one of the few people that have escaped Blackgate.

**A/N: I feel like him going insane was a little to premature, I just didn't have a really cool way to do it, hell, it took me eight freaking tries to get this, anyway what do ya'll think.**

**I know that the Dent act probably did nothing of the sort, but... c'mon... plot convenience and all that right? Ah, whatever, I have my artistic liberties. **

******Alright, so I'm looking for a beta? Anybody want to volunteer?**

**Criticism**** is accepted, but no flaming please. Flaming is not cool, flamers are like liars...**

**LOL, R&R**

**-Infernokota**


	4. Chapter 3: We're All Insane Here

**"My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger."**

**-Billy Connolly**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

The ride to Arkham was pleasant enough, if not uncomfortable. I gave a small smile to myself knowing I would meet my parents and all of the other 'supervillains' that took residence there, although I was a little bummed on not being able to meet Bane or Cobblepott at Blackgate.

A chill ran up my spine, although I'm not sure if that was from knowing where I was going or the fact I was still freezing from the fact that they never gave me a towel after hosing me down to get rid of the excess of blood. Eventually I fell asleep only to be awoken by a bucket of cold water to the face.

The guard that woke me didn't say a word, just gave me a look of pure malice. Probably knew the doc. Ah well. Speaking of, I should send his family something, like a gift basket, or wine, oh, a gift basket _with_ wine.

He escorted me through the grounds (after firmly securing me in the Hug-Yourself Jacket, excuse me, straight jacket) I smiled at all the nurses and doctors that passed by us, although they would quickly hurry away. Think it was the Glasgow? ...Nah.

Then I saw it. Intensive Treatment. The place I would unknowingly spend a lot of my time at for most the rest of my life.

The guard walked with me to Level 2 before unceremoniously throwing me into a very bland cell. That was becoming a nasty habit around here. It's back wall was like the rest of the place: yellowing and literally cracking. I got up and examined my surroundings. A small bed (see: cot) in the corner, a toilet on the opposite wall and a sink next to that. No mirror? Po-ee, poyee? Poeey? Whatever.

I then noticed the clear walls on the front and the two sides. Wouldn't have been cheaper to get regular walls?

I then noticed the denizens past the walls. There were three teens around my age on either side of me, two to my right and one to my left. One boy to my right kinda looked like me before the dying and Glasgow. While the other one to my left was a pale girl with long pale blonde hair and pale blue eyes. I couldn't see the one two to my right, but I could make out their eyes: a dark red. Huh.

The rest of the patients were pretty unspectacular, although there was one that looked at the four of us with _lust_. Nope, killing him?

The other teens were sleeping (except the creepy eyed one) so, with nothing else to do, I followed suit.

I woke up the next morning to see the girl staring at me. That was easily enough to jolt me awake with a loud yelp waking the teen to my right as well.

He rubbed his eyes and gave me a weak glare (it didn't have anything on Dad's and the Batman's), "What the hell Scars?"

I blinked at the nickname, "And you would be?"

"Jeff"

"….Is that supposed to mean something"

Now it was his turn to blink, "You been living under a rock or something? I was the kid who had a mental breakdown at the school and…." He trailed off obviously troubled by whatever happened.

I got back on my bed and reclined, putting my hands behind my head, "Pretty much, I didn't really get outside till a few weeks ago. Hey what about those two?"

He considered it for a moment before replying, "The girl to your left is Sarah, she killed her parents and hasn't said a word since, the one to my right is Lily, really a vampire, but she can also shape shift. She's pretty much the biggest one here that's not in Maximum Security."

I sat in silence for a while before asking "What'd she do to get in here?"

"Hm? Oh she killed an entire hospital, patients and all."

"…..Shit"

"What'd you do?"

"Oh, after robbing a bank with my parents, we got caught by the Batman. I got sent to Blackgate and then ripped a doctor's heart out."

I laughed at him shuffling away. Of course that only made him shuffle away even quicker.

We sat in an uncomfortable (for him at least) silence until the security guard from last night, Alberto I gathered, came to my cell before looking at the others and saying, "You four, get up, you're going to M. S." Jeff had a look of poor horror while I was elated. I was the son of The Joker, I didn't deserve to be down here with the C-class psychos.

Wait. "I've literally only been here for a night, what the hell?" he had a blank look instead of answering me, although I could've sworn he muttered, "Plot conveniency

The guard and four of his friends escorted us to the place that I was absolutely _relishing_ going. Although Jeff looked frightened to all hell, the other two looked pretty nonchalant about it, and I got my first good look at Lily, she was around my height, pretty built but excessively pale, she had black lipstick and eyeshadow and a short shock of black hair. She was actually pretty cute.

It was a pretty extended walk but eventually I saw a young man in a long white doctor's coat. Jeremiah Arkham his name tag said. Arkham huh?

"Hey Jerry, can I ask why we're being moved to maximum security?"

He looked pretty thoughtful for a moment before replying with a short "Budget cuts" then walked the other way.

Eventually we arrived at an elevator with a slot to slide a security card. After doing the aforementioned action we entered a large room and endured a long elevator ride while Jeff's breathing got quicker and quicker. After a good solid five minute long elevator ride the guards pushed us into a room that looked the same as the upper levels.

When we entered the cell block I went through my mental list of the supervillains: Jonathan Crane, Edward Nygma, Pamela Isley, Victor Zsasz, a special cell holding Victor Fries, and towards the end, my parents, while there were quite a few empty cells. While Dad seemed to be sleeping Mom looked towards the commotion and did her customary squeal before running to the door running through about a thousand words a minute, and honestly, I couldn't tell you what she said before I was pushed into a cell between the Scarecrow and the Riddler.

Nygma and Crane looked at me like they were trying to figure something out about me when Eddie asked "Who are you?"

"The Joker's son"

I heard a 'whoop' in the distance presumably from Mom.

Edward looked contemplative before saying, "And yet you couldn't be younger than fifteen, Harleen has only been Harley for five years. So adopted I'd presume?"

I probably shouldn't have been surprised that he managed to put that together within seconds of meeting me. Then I heard a tapping to the other side seeing Crane looking at me before asking the dreaded question "What are you afraid of?"

"Er, I don't know, dolls?" Why would I answer that. Damn I had mental issues.

He took a very bored look before saying "Oh… How predictable."

He then grabbed a Edgar Allen Poe book and walked back to his bed.

Nygma also became uninterested, although I was surprised he didn't ask me a riddle, then again, killing me would bring Harley and the Joker's wrath. I, without conversation, went through the pile of books on my floor. All Louis Carole. Huh. That's weird. Wonder whose cell this used to be.

The next few weeks went by escalatingly boring until Eddie somehow got a note in my cell from Joker that said

'String Bean's breaking out go and stay with him, will follow soon,

Signed your Pappy

-Mr. J

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA'

* * *

It didn't take a genius to know when Scarecrow was escaping. Somehow he had managed to obtain some of his fear gas and gassed the guard before taking his outfit. I could tell he was planning on leaving me, although one look down the hall at Joker smiling at him was enough to convince him to bust me out.

It was a fairly simple, yet ingenious escape plan: He had dressed the guard in his prison wear then put him in the cell. Then he handcuffed me and acted like an escort, taking me out to a van and hotwiring, then driving to an abandoned building in The Narrows.

When we arrived inside and he brought out his chemistry stuff, he led me to where my room was.

"Child?"

I turned to look at him when he injected me in the neck with something sharp.

**A/N: ****Alright, so I'm looking for a beta? Anybody want to volunteer?**


	5. Chapter 4: Life Sucks

**"All generalizations are false, including this one."**

**-Mark Twain**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

I woke up a while later, pretty sure that whatever sanity I had left was demolished. And I swear to God, if someone caused me to knock out again, something was getting shanked.

Still recoiling from the absolute _horrendous_ visions I had merely a little while ago (and no I won't tell you), I stumbled to the main room where Scarecrow was reading some horror novel or another, I called out to him "WHAT THE HELL CRANE!?"

I laughed as he jumped from the sudden disturbance looking at me with an immense amount of shock. He looked absolutely befuddled "How did you survive? That was enough to kill a healthy man _twice_ your age." I thought about it for a moment.

"weeell I have a natural immunity to my father's toxin, maybe that has something to do with it?"

He considered it for a moment before shrugging. I walked up to him and asked "Hey, uh, Crane? I wanted to know if I could request something from you?"

He narrowed his eyes imperceptibly before sighing and asking "And what would that be, Child?"

I blinked, not because of the nickname, but because of how readily he decided to agree to the answer. Did my father really have that much power? Insane dads rule.

"Well, uh,-"

"Don't stutter, it's unbecoming."

"Oh, well, I wish for you to mentor me, in everything from history to psychology, I don't have a _real_ education, and I'll need it for a scheme I'm cooking up, also, in return for teaching me, I… will allow you to…_ experiment _on me to see what helped me survive."

His eyes narrowed a significant amount more before he seemed to consider my proposal.

"You have a deal Child. Be at my office at 7 tomorrow. And don't be late."

Wow… that… was a lot easier than I thought that would be. He was oddly compliant. Perhaps he really wanted to see what kept me alive. I pulled out my iPhone and set an alarm for 6:32 to allow me time to get ready. And screw conventions.

I arrived at his office at 6:58, I had thought about arriving a minute late, but then decided on my better judgment to arrive on time. He did know my worst fears after all (still not telling you) I arrived in a rolled up black long sleeve Metallica t-shirt/ hoodie with a jean jacket with the sleeves torn off, jeans, and sneakers. He gave a noticeable frown at my outfit before having a resigning sigh to himself.

I sat down in a chaired desk front of his desk (looked exactly how I imagined a teacher's desk would look like)

He looked down at me before driving into his speech "We will cover a different subject every day for two weeks, you will have work to do in class and after, you will also study every day after class. After every two weeks you will have tests on Fridays on everything you learned the weeks before. Saturdays will be spent attempting to figure out your genetic mutation. Sundays will be spent recovering and finishing whatever homework you no doubt will have lazed off on during the week. Homework will be due every Monday or you will have consequences.

He paused before asking me "What is this scheme you had planned?"

I gave him a menacing smile (it was to me at least) before telling the plan to him "After I finish your studies, I will have Nygma fake my credentials for Kindergarten through eighth grade. Then I will infiltrate Gotham High using the no doubt superior knowledge you taught me to pass with flying colors. A cover obviously. My true plan is to find out who Robin really is. Now whether that passes or fails is to be seen. Then I will enroll into the local college and take classes that will help me with my next plan."

He seemed impressed that I had planned it out so well before correcting the holes in my plan "A good plan over all, but what schools are you going to fake having gone to? Won't people question your extensive knowledge into stuff that they more than likely have never even heard of? And no doubt prolonged time with your adopted parents and myself will have left your sanity questionable?"

I blinked at his destruction of my so well thought out plan. "Weeeeell, I'll have to research some schools in most likely Metropolis, say that I had a private tutor, and I've been quite civil so far, haven't I?"

He nodded sagely before going back into teacher mode "Yes, well tomorrow will be your first day with me, so prepare yourself, this will no doubt be the most mentally trying time you have or ever will experience."

And it was just that. He was a very harsh and strict teacher, drilling everything that he no doubt ever learned into my head over and over. If I fell asleep in class he would give me a diluted form of the fear toxin. If I lost attention he would give me a diluted form of the fear toxin. If I was late with homework he would give me a diluted form of the fear toxin. You get the picture.

It was utter hell. But finally after eight long weeks of the aforementioned hell, he declared me graduated. And then the overly dramatically timing vigilantes busted in and easily took us back to Arkham. I was so learning a martial arts style when I got out.

The ride was much of the same, except this time I had some intelligent conversation with Jonathan. We had grown somewhat close over the weeks, talking for hours about psychology, or building upon each other's theories. He was the closest thing I had to an uncle.

Unfortunately we weren't able to share a cell next to each other, what with having the former occupant of my old cell returned (Mad Hatter, who knew?) and I was sat in a new looking cell that even had my name on it! I was so proud.

To my left I had the vampire chick, Lily, to my right was Zsasz (I could almost here her cry of relief (also why wasn't she in the female ward? They rebuilt it) and across from me was….

"Hi Dad!"

He jumped up and began his customary laughing fit. After finishing and wiping a tear from his eye he looked up and said "The-They r-r-really put us ac-a-across from each othe-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, oh that's a good one. Oh looked, you even got some tail next to ya too dontcha? Hehehe."

Despite myself I smiled and resisted the urge to look at her. She found it pretty goddamn amusing.

Me and Dad shared a laugh at Zsasz's misery on being next to the two clowns.

"Hey Dad?" I questioned, he looked up

"Hm?"

"If you used to be the Clown Prince of Crime, and I'm your son, doesn't that make me the Clown Prince of Crime and you the Clown King of Crime?"

He gave a absolutely horrified gasp, "Great Scott, you're right! Balls, now your Mother will want a title to, damn it all!"

"It's what I do"

* * *

This visit to the revolving door, sorry, '_asylum_', was much more pleasant than the first. I actually had access to the cafeteria and the rec room. On a side note, I taught myself how to play guitar!

It was one lunch, I was sitting with Crane and Lily, we had bonded over the past few weeks over trivial stuff like, why wasn't she in the female ward, Bane's rumored teddy bear Osito, and what life was like with insane super criminals.

I was eating a PB&J sandwich (one of God's beautiful gifts to the world) when a particularly nasty looking guard, Lyle I think his name was, came up to me and said "Get up freak, back your cell. You have guests."

Guests? Everyone I knew was here though, maybe the PR department, or a therapist, or God forbid, the paparazzi?

He led me to my cell where he stood outside of for a good solid ten minutes (He could at least have let me finish my sandwich) when I saw the B-Man himself, oh and Robin, with….. three extremely familiar looking people.

There was a teenage girl a little older than me who looked like a stereotypical cheerleader, a middle age man with a woman of about the same age-_**And why did they look so goddamned familiar. **_The woman took one look at me and broke out into tears and tried to rush towards me.

Upon my look of confusion she took a very heartbroken face and asked "Don't you remember us?"

"We're your family."

All the sudden I felt a surge of bloodlust telling me to just kill them. Over and over. Violently. Through the maelstrom of emotions (mainly anger, hatred, sadness, resignation, a hole load of other shit) I decided to pick one.

"Mama…. Papa…. Sis?" God I could _not _remember their names.

Upon my decidedly sincere face and tone the guards let me out and let them come over and hug me.

* * *

Batman wasn't the World's Greatest Detective for nothing. He noticed the slight curling of features on the Jester's face, then the sudden look of sincerity. He was contemplating these thoughts as the family coddled him and told him about how their lives were going. It truly warmed Bruce's heart to see a family reunited.

Then everything flipped.

His eyes hovered over the Jester's (Jacob Whitaker, he had discovered upon searching for his family) to see the flip of pure happiness into utter rage.

He rushed forward in time to stop the knife from plunging into the mother's heart.

* * *

Jester was furious. Upon the aforementioned mix of emotions, he truly discovered something somewhat surprising.

While the son of the Joker and Harley had accepted his fate, and even embraced it, Jacob, who he had buried years ago, had wanted to find his family and return to his old life, to what could have been. When his family had returned at long last he (Jacob) had taken the opportunity to break free and become the dominant personality. Until one lethally stupid statement.

Laura was shocked with his appearance. So much that one of the first things she said upon embracing him was "Listen, we can get a surgeon to fix the… mouth thing, and the color in your hair should eventually disappear."

It was at that moment she felt him tense and his arm move, only to be grabbed by the Batman.

* * *

"Never! I am not your son! My parents are Joker and Harley! You three are nothing to me! These scars and those colors make me who I am! Not Jacob Whitaker! Me! The Jester! The Clown Prince of Crime! Son of the Clown King and Queen of Crime! Die!" I managed to get out (more like screamed) through my rage.

"There is nothing about this whole scenario that doesn't make me so disgusted I want to violently vomit out my own internal organs. I despise you three so intensely that I can't tell if my vision is blurry from my split personality struggle or from my unforgiving rage. If allowed, once I find you, I will gut you with an honest-to-God smile on my face...and then proceed to paint the home I built with your bodies with your very own blood."

What else was I going to say…. Oh yes "And Robin! I declare you my Eternal Rival! I will follow you wherever you go to fulfill our rivalry to the extreme. Except Bludhaven. That place is nasty! It's like a city with... something nasty! Shut up! I don't have a catchy one-liner right now!" I got a chance to see Robin's extremely shocked face, and my ex-family's tear-streaked faces before I was dragged back inside.

After being thrown (what's with the throwing in this place?!) back into my cell ignoring the confused looks of the onlookers I returned to my bed with a maniacal grin. I planned to fulfill both my promises later on.

* * *

It was four da-no five. Five days when I decided to initiate my escape plan. I had noticed a pattern in the guard changes when I suggested my idea to Lily. She had originally been against the idea (she thought she _belonged_ at Arkham) but after a minute of convincing (see: puppy eyes) to get her to agree. At 9:15 my old besty, Alberto, would come through without actually being on patrol. The actual guard on patrol, Freddy, would come by at 9:10 and was small enough for me to wear his outfit. When Freddy passed by Lily started insulted him, he went in and attempted to sedate her. She easily knocked him out and dragged him to the corner curling him up In a ball. She started hitting him with his baton. I called out to Alberto who was passing by "you may want to help your friend." The idiot, I'm sorry, Alberto then went in and got knocked out. She turned into him and unlocked our doors.

And by our doors, I mean the entirety of Maximum Security, even the recently rebuilt Female Ward. It was an easy stride out and to the gate. I turned to Lily "You sure you got somewhere to go?" she didn't look at me and replied "Yeah, I'll be fine. See you around." She started walking away before saying "You know, you aren't as psychotic as everyone says you are."

As soon as she finished talking a harried guard shot her in the heart before being pulled down by a pack of the more insane patients. I watched on with grim satisfaction as they tore into him like animals. It was magnificient.

Rushing over to her fallen body I propped her head up against my leg.

"No, no, no Lily, you're are going to be fine, just hold on and put some pressure on it... and... and let me find something to wrap it up wi-" she cut me off,

"No, just... talk to me," she whispered, "What were we going to do when we got out?" she asked.

"We... we were going to go to my home... and talk about stuff, and... be friends, and hang out, and go on heists, and _you weren't going to die_..."

She smiled and suddenly grew colder.

"Lily... Lily? Lily, please no, no..."

I just sat there for a minute my mind not really processing the events of the last few minutes, before carrying her back to the Funhouse (Our home base)

High School could wait.

Robin could wait.

Tonight I had a friend to bury.

**A/N: Wow. I'm really harsh with him aren't I? Honestly I feel that her death was rushed, you guys never got a chance to know her as one of Jester's friends (really his only friend). I wanted to thank my viewers. Are Scarecrow and Joker too OOC? Any thoughts about my writing or ideas for arcs? Also remember, criticism is begged for, but flamers suck. This story will probably be uploaded Tues. through Fri. (Depending on circumstances)**

******Alright, so I'm looking for a beta? Anybody want to volunteer?**

**LOL, R&R**

**-Infernokota**


	6. Chapter 5: Secrets

**"I never said most of the things I said."**

**-Every famous person in the world**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

It was three weeks since we had buried her. It was a small gathering: me, my parents, and Professor Crane (I had a feeling that they threatened him to come.) Two weeks since I visited the Professor who said that I was in a state of shock. A week since I visited the Riddler and had him forge some documents of me going to schools in Metropolis.

Today was my first day at the high school.

My lord, this was going to suck.

* * *

I was paused in the parking lot, Charade having dropped me off. I had used latex to hide my scars and dyed my hair blonde. I supposed that this was what I would've looked like in a normal life.

I was really going to regret this wasn't I?

I reluctantly stepped into the doors. If I remembered clearly they were already into the second quarter. So I was a _little_ out of place.

Okay, I had no idea in hell where I was going.

I looked at the schedule I was carrying in my pocket. Ok, so first was World Civilizations. Ok…. Where the hell was that?

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

After spending the better part of the period wandering around, a teacher, or staff, or whatever they had pointed me in the right direction. I casually walked in.

Huh. They were all looking at me. The teacher looked at me and asked "Yeah?" I thought back to what Mom had told me, "_Be a funny guy, funny guys are always popular._" I put my feet together, my left arm against my side and my right to my forehead in an odd salute,

"Officer Doofy reporting for duty!"

I got a few chuckles. These people will laugh at anything. I went and took the only empty seat in the front.

"So you must be….. Jacqueline?" Oh. I was so going to kill Nygma.

"Wellllll, most people call me Jack, or Jacob."

"Well, now that everyone is here we can begin."

The next half hour was absolutely droll. I could have taught the subjects better than that.

After the period ended I walked into the hall and was shocked by the sheer amount of the people. One of the guys from the class, a popular kid I put together, walked up to me and put his arm on my shoulder, "Hey, is your name actually Jacqueline?"

"Er, yeah?"

"Funny, what class do you have next?"

"Uh, P.E.?" oh my God I was going to dominate at that.

"Cool, me too, by the way, names Dick. Dick Grayson."

* * *

So after he led me to the gym I was…. Disappointed at the sight. The base had better equipment. The kid must have been pretty perceptive because he said, "yeah sad right? The school had some budget cuts, so the athletic program got cut off." Sounded like Arkham.

A very hardy looking man stepped through the doors and said "Alright, warm up guys you know the drill." There were some groans but hesitantly everyone stepped through the doors and began to run on the track. The black haired boy led me out and began jogging. I knew he was holding back.

Well just because he was going 50% didn't mean I had to. I almost felt bad for him, I was soon nearing the head of the trail of people, and this wasn't even my final form-whup sorry about that. I heard running and saw Dick catching up to me and a smirk as he passed me. Oh hell no.

I put a little more effort into it and caught up to him. I hadn't even realized that we had cleared the rest of the group. I gave him a small smile before passing him. It went like that for another two laps.

The rest of the students were left in our dust.

Once we finished (he won damn it!) we sat down and watched the rest stumble in. We were a little competitive. I looked over at him and asked "Where'd you learn to run?" not looking at me but at a redhead in the group he replied "I do a lot of running at home. You?"

"Oh, me too." He gained a very suspicious look.

"soooo," I said eager to change the subject "the redhead, who's that" he now had a very guarded look, kids right?  
"That's Barbara Gordon, the Commissioner's daughter."

I tried really hard not to get angry.

* * *

The rest of the period and the next were really boring. That brought lunch around. I didn't have science (the period after gym) with Dick, so I had nowhere to sit.

I saw a _table_, an entire freaking table to myself. I almost cried out of pure happiness and love, doves were flying out from behind my back, Robin revealed himself to me and we had an epic fight with Two Steps From Hell in the background…. Ahhhh dreams. Dreams are beautiful.

In all seriousness though I was already tired of the bickering, gossiping teenagers here. Sitting down with absolute bliss I pulled out the PB&J sandwich I was going to enjoy, when I heard someone clearing their throat behind me.

_Whoever dared to interrupt my sandwich eating will suffer a slow and painful death, but not before I make them watch me kill their family the same exact way, then I wil-_ I turned around to see a girl with long fishnet fingerless gloves, white hair with blue and purple streaks in it, a plaid skirt and long black boots.

She looked at me, my spot, back at me, back to my spot, etc.

I think she wanted me to move.

"Guy, you're sitting in my spot."

"Your spot?! Wha- I don't see your name on it, I checked, unless you put it on the bottom….."

She looked at me as if I was crazy, which is fair, before shrugging and walking to the other side (don't know why she didn't just do that in the first place) and sat down.

It was a pleasant silence (for me at least, I'm not uncomforted by anything) before she started the oddest conversation ever (and I've talked to Crane about fear) "so, what's with the latex?"

"What." It was a statement.

"The latex. On your face?"

"Uhhhhh, leftovers from a party." She didn't look convinced.

"hmmm."

"So, if you don't mind me asking, what's with the hair?"

She looked defensive for a minute before relaxing "I think it looks cool, white stands for purity and alliances."

"We… haven't been properly introduced yet, my names Jack, yours?" she looked down at her lap sheepishly

"M-My names…. Athena"

"Like the Greek Goddess?" she nodded "pfffft, that's nothing, my real name….. Jacqueline."

She gave a light laugh. It was a very airy laugh.

"Really?!"

"…..Yes"

She laughed again.

We went on like that for the rest of the lunch period before the bell rang.

The rest of the day was very…. Boring. All of it. And I didn't have a single class with Athena. Although I did have quite a few with Dick, and something about him just seemed…. Familiar.

God I missed Crane.

After school had ended I stumbled in, Charade having picked me up (that guy was really taking his responsibilities seriously.) I walked to my room not noticing the lack of thugs…. Or my parents

Days went on like that for the next eighteen weeks, it was dreadful, with the exception of Athena who was an absolute blast to be around, but I was determined to succeed in my goal of discovering who Robin was, although I started to think that he had private lessons, or something of that sort.

* * *

Eventually Grayson's birthday came around and he invited some of his friends, including me, to his house for it. Also, as I found out, house was a broad term. It was more of a _freaking mansion_, I lived in a warehouse for Christ's sake! Uh, never mind. Once we arrived he left us in the main room (freaking huge) and left to see if his "dad" was home.

Something about this place seemed familiar, not the sight of it…. But the smell. I had smelled it before. That meant snooping time!

Leaving the rest of the guys (I had claimed to want to use the bathroom) I went into the… East wing I think. In it I saw a door slightly open. Pushing completely open I walked in and was confronted by a small study. I was thinking along the lines of movies….. I looked at a bust of a very business looking man and examined it…. Nothing, no button, no nothing. In a fit of anger I threw it at a portrait of a family. I didn't even notice the sound of a door.

I was attempting to calm myself down. _I could've sworn something was in here! I swear! _Steadying my breathing a gave a small laugh to myself, _I had a tantrum about not finding anything in a completely normal room, what was I expecting to find anyway the Bat-_ I had turned and saw a door in place of the painting. _Oh this is going to be good._

I walked through the door and was shocked by the cold, and the dark gloominess, and a blue glow? Walking down the impossibly long staircase I was confronted by a large collection of computers, still on.

Walking over them I sat in the comfortable revolving chair. Then I commenced the snooping.

Using the basic computer knowledge I unlocked it and clicked on the file folder. What I saw I almost couldn't comprehend.

It had knowledge on every Justice League member. Did you know Superman's real name was Clark Kent? Or Wonder Woman's Diana. It was a wealth of knowledge.

Wait, wait, wait. If this was the Batcave, and the manor is owned by Bruce Wayne…. Then Batman _was_ Bruce Wayne, and Robin was… Dick Grayson. You have got to be kidding me.

I memorized the file secrets and rushed back up the stairs, closing the door and putting the bust back where it was. Then I walked back to the front door and left.

I had an experiment to conduct.

* * *

Later that night, having donned my costume, I waited on top of the bank that we tried to rob so long ago. I began firing a pistol I swiped from the warehouse into the sky. I sat down and waited

It didn't take long until a red motorcycle came roaring up the street stopping in front of the bank and a figure climbing up the side.

"Hey Bobby! How ya doin'? HUH, you're wearing pants? Blasphemy!"

"What do you want Jes-" I slammed into him, whipping out a butterfly knife and getting him good on the cheek. He kicked me back and leapt to his feet. He ran at me with a yell aiming a sloppy kick at my face that I easily blocked. Did I mention that I learned Martial Arts?

Ooooo Capoeira was so fun.

He donned a shocked look before kicking it into overdrive. He ran at me again throwing a fist at my face before faking into a kick. I jumped it and aimed a kick of my own at him which he blocked. He slid out beneath me and hit me in the back of the head with his palm. Ow. I used the momentum to roll into a barrel roll off of the building. I didn't need to fight him.

I got what I wanted.

* * *

We returned to school the next day, me wearing a long sleeves and jeans (what, fighting an expert fighter on a rooftop gave you bruises), him with a band-aid right where I had cut him. So it was true.

The last quarter was hell, what with EOC's and the like.

But the last day was bitter sweet for me. I had walked with Athena out of the school. "Soooooo, you got somewhere to go A?"

"yeah I'll be fine. I'll see you later."

She stopped as she was leaving, turned to me and said, "You know, you're not as psychotic as everyone says you are." before getting lost in the throng of people.

I stopped in my tracks. Did she just…. Like what…. Nope too confusing, deal with it later.

Walking away completely befuddled I found my prey walking alone. Mwahahahahaha!

"Heeeeeey,_ Bobby._" He looked at me blank faced for a second before hitting me in what I presumed to be a pressure point knocking me out.

* * *

I woke up sometime later with the oddest feeling. There was a bright flash of light before I was brought before a large group of colorful people. Oh. YES.

I looked up at the stone faced man holding me by the arm.

"Hey Brucey-Woosey, how's the kid, Robin or Dick, ah whatever their both the same." It got deathly quiet.

I looked at a man in a blue and red outfit,

"Clark! How's _Lois_?" now everyone was staring at me in pure shock. I saw a red guy, gasping I said "Barry, come on buddy, _tell me a joke_." I hissed the last part out and finally I saw a woman in red and blue "Diana, still an Amazon I see? Trick Question! One does not simply change their race." now I had everyone's attention. I smiled innocently,

"What, was it something I said?"

* * *

**A/N: this one was a bitch to do, it just refused to be written, ya know, this was actually supposed to be an entire arc, but I just could not do it. But I digress. Two steps From Hell is awesome, remember I would love ideas for arcs, criticism is loved, but no flaming yadadada, you guys know this stuff, now the next arc (or first depending on how you look at it) isn't custom and will be hella long, and probably belongs in another category other than Batman  
**

**And it might also require some knowledge of Teen Titans.**

******Alright, so I'm looking for a beta? Anybody want to volunteer?**

**R&R, ****LOL**

**-The Lord of Only My OC's Except Wolf, Infernokota**


	7. Chapter 6: The Ace of Spades

**"Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter and jelly."**

**-James A. Garfield**

******Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

Batman (and a medley of other heroes I didn't recognize) led me to a something akin of a dentist's chair. J'onn J'onzz, the Martian Manhunter, was standing next to the aforementioned demon chair.

* * *

J'onn was silent. It was odd that _Batman _of all people would give the go ahead of a mind wipe. He watched as he led the child, Jester or Jacob, to the chair. He wasn't sure what to expect from the clown, but what he said next wasn't it.

"So, Jon Jon! What did I do for this honor!" J'onn immediately understood the gravity of the situation. He was silent as he put one hand to his temples and another to the Jester's forehead. He probed him for the info that he needed; the secrets of the Justice League. After finally finding it he began the mindwipe.

Something wasn't right. Others that he had forcefully probed had put up a fight. Jester was utterly compliant. Then the kid gave a menacing smile, only enhanced by the Glasgow scars on his mouth.

As he was finishing the procedure he was forcefully pushed out.

To say that he was shocked was a major understatement.

* * *

I came to sometime later with the absolute worst headache ever. I looked around not sure where I was, and gasped, surprised by the figures around me. There was the Batman, Wonder Woman, Superman, and the Martian Manhunter. The second figure asked "What do you remember?" I looked down at my lap thinking. "I know that you guys are the Justice League and big heroes….. then there is another….. Robin….. and my life's goal is to…. mess with him?" there was a small laugh somewhere "uhhhh…. It…. It goes blank after that,"

I looked back up at the shocked faces of the four.

"I have amnesia don't I?

They left after that to presumably hold council. Sometime later Wonder Woman came back and interrogated me. "so you don't remember anything else?" I shook my head "Nothing? Do you not remember who you are? Where you live? Your family?" I shook my head again. She sighed and went back into the room the others were in.

Slowly pushing myself of my chair, my legs threatening to give out on me, I groggily walked to the door where they were talking.

It was a maelstrom of words, presumably no one agreeing. Batman was quiet. After a good solid five minutes he spoke up "This could be his chance. His chance for a normal life." At everyone's hushed voices I assumed that they had come to a silent consensus. Damn him and his persuasive ways. Hearing the sound of someone standing up, I rushed back to the chair and sat back down.

Batman was the one who had come. He looked at me for a minute eventually saying "we're going back to Earth, I'll drop you off, a mutual friend of mine will come and pick you up. Got it." Hearing the edge in his voice I nodded quickly.

He walked me back to a platform with five glowing circles. After placing me on one he walked onto his own. There was a whirring sound and another flash of bright light then I was put back near a place that I vaguely recognized. It was kinda like a house. Although house was a very broad term, it was more of a freaking mansion.

It wasn't long before I heard the loud whirring of a motorbike. Standing up I saw a red blur as a teen passed me in….. green spandex. Robin?

Following him for a good half an hour we eventually came across the outskirts of Gotham City.

Great. Now I had a choice, follow the one guy I actually remember, or stay in a city that I had no memories of… that was actually a really stupid choice.

And so I followed the teen through three cities (buses FTW) I eventually got to another goddamn city limit, I think we were going to Jump City or something like that.

* * *

Robin was pissed to say the least, he had went home to Gotham to gather his stuff, needless to say that Batman had _another_ argument with him, causing him to leave again.

He returned to the tower hoping for some relaxing time. And by that he was going to train. Robin never relaxes. Ever. Of course as soon as he arrived the red alert went off, so Robin had sighed and left with the others to the maximum security prison where Cinderblock was breaking_ into_.

* * *

A figure watched as the Titans left in the newly built T-Car. He gave a small laugh and set to his task at hand. Finding the tower was simple enough, considering it was a _giant freaking T on the coast_. Hubris for the win.

The figure climbed a tree close to the tower, throwing the bag he had been holding, which appeared to be filled with white and black cloth, over his shoulder, he got a sturdy grip on the ledge of the third window and climbed on. Placing his sticky gloves on the border he began the immense task of climbing the giant tower

-**Four Hours Later-**

The man pulled himself through the top window gasping for breath. _Never. Never again_. Taking a look at the lush living area he set at his next, thankfully much easier, endeavor of making an outfit. Taking the hand needle he began sewing.

-**Three Days Later-**

He sighed as he put the finishing touches on his new outfit. It was a black hooded robe that opened up at the bottom revealing black pants and black boots, those having white ace of spades on them. The hood's opening was in the shape of the ace of spades (we're going to call it AOS, mmkay?) with a full black mask. On the chest was another white AOS, while on the shoulders upside down, guess what, white AOS and beneath that were right side up AOS, finally a AOS was on the center of the back parallel with the one on the chest.

Cleaning up the scraps he looked through the rooms, five filled ones with one empty. Awesomely convenient. Going about the process of filling the dressers with clothes he acquired, _cough_stole_cough_, he placed the black blanket on the bed and began the wait for the Titans.

**-Five Weeks Later-**

Robin and the others stumbled in each in different states of pain. They had a silent consensus that they were going to bed. Robin looked around with the weirdest feeling that something was wrong. Shrugging he walked to his room to really relax.

* * *

It was 3:00 in the morning when Starfire was woken by the sound of someone in the kitchen area. Getting up she walked into the main room to investigate the commotion.

She saw a silhouetted figure in the fridge pulling a large amount of food out. Shutting the door he froze when he saw her watching.

It was an old Western Mexican standoff.

After weighing the options, Starfire did a very sensible thing to do when someone had broken into their house.

She screamed.

Ace dropped his loot in a panic frantically searching for a escape while the orange woman continued to scream, _Good God she has a set of lungs,_ putting an escape route together he jumped on the fridge and pushed a ceiling tile to the side before jumping up and shutting the tile.

"Star, wha's goin on?" Beast Boy asked barely awake.

"There was someone in the kitchen!" She screamed.

Robin gasped, "Where did he go?" Starfire pointed up.

Cyborg checked his arm, "Well the sensors aren't picking anything up, so maybe he's gone?" Robin sighed and walked back to his room without a word.

Ace, hearing everyone else closing their doors, sighed before dropping onto his bed. This was not going to be easy.

**Fourth of July**

Ace was pretty excited. The Titans had left to go to the fair and watch the fireworks. That gave him an _amazing_ chance to pull pranks.

He had just gotten through Robin merchandising Raven's room when he was interrupted switching her blanket out with one that had Robin's face on it by the sound of the elevator opening.

He froze.

He peeked around the corner when he heard a woman thinking out loud.

"Koriand'r would get framed, I would be free_." Koriand'r… never heard of 'em. _

Walking out Ace gave a friendly wave at the woman that had a striking resemblance to Starfire. She gasped before scowling as her eyes started glowing purple. Throwing his hands up he nervously laughed.

"Woah, woah, woah, I'm just getting something from the fridge."

"I thought that the Titans were gone." She snapped.

"hm, oh me? I'm not a Titan, I just live here. Soooo, who's Koriand'r?"

She looked slightly shocked before narrowing her eyes

"How do I know that you aren't a Titan?"

He shrugged, "Ok then don't tell me, but be careful of Bobby, he's pretty perceptive."

She gave a resigned sigh, "In your language she would be Starfire, I am Blackfire."

_Ah. So that's why they looked alike_.

"Sooooo, framing Star huh? Personally I'm here to mess with Robin, but honestly, dude's so uptight that it's child's play."

"Hm"

"Well, I could help you ya know." Her eyes lit up at that, although not in the utterly frightening glowing way.

"Really, what can you do?"

"I can give you a game plan and help with that game plan."

She practically beamed, although not in the frightening lethal way.

"And what would that game plan be?"

"So what you need to do is to fit in, as luck would have it your sister is very sensitive being here. Act like you're replacing her and she'll probably leave on her own. Then you won't have to deal with whatever intergalactic police you pissed off, I get to _really_ mess with Robin, and we're all happy."

She slowly started smiling before dashing over to him excitedly

"Well what are you waiting for, help me with the plan!"

"Woah, slow down, you gotta ease into it," she nodded "Ok so it'll be easiest to fit in with Beast Boy and Cyborg, those guys are major video gamers, so I will teach you how to play their game." Sitting down Ace pulled their box of games out and began cycling through them, teaching her the greatest ways to win in them. After that montage worthy escapade he set at the next member.

"Ok, so Raven will be surprisingly easy, all you need to do is learn some dark and depressing stories and poetry, I'll go ahead and print some off for you. Learn them and love them, be one with the dreary ass stories." She nodded attentively,

"So, then Robin will probably be the hardest just because of how detective-like he is, but he has a thing for fighting, so teach him some crazy ass space martial arts, he'll eat it up." He paused making sure she was paying apt attention. "Alright, then you'll have to familiarize with them, party like it's the 80's," she looked blank at that. Sighing he sat her down. _This is going to be a long night._

**Later that night**

Hearing the commotion Ace ended their talk and subsequent bonding.

"I've taught you all I can, young one, now you must go and use those skills to succeed" putting his fist in his palm, he bowed, as she mockingly copied, before running back to his room.

Listening at the door he almost cried, she was taking his training so well.

It was days as she painstakingly followed his advice, bonding with the Titans, who unconsciously pushed Starfire away.

It was a couple of hours from when Blackfire had suggested to visit a club when he was awoken by the sound of fighting.

Rushing onto the rooftop he saw Komand'r being taken by what was presumably police.

_And there goes my star pupil. Awesome._

Sighing he went back to his room to sleep. _And she was so manipulative too_.

**Three weeks later**

Ace smiled to himself overhearing Beast Boy and Cyborg arguing about a lost remote. Soon Raven and Robin were in on it too as he flipped it in the air. Then Starfire screamed and they left for pizza.

He sighed and did his usual parkour to get to a tall building near the Titan's favorite pizza place. His stomach growled considering he hadn't eaten in a few days because he_ refused_ to eat blue food.

"Titans Go!" he was shocked out of his hungry reminiscing by Robin's customary yell. Looking down he saw three figures standing next to the pizza, presumably threatening the Teen Titans.

_Now that just won't go._

Standing on the edge of the building he took a deep breath in before jumping.

* * *

The standoff and monologue of the H.I.V.E students was cut off by the distant sound of screaming. The eight teens looked around trying to find the source of the sound when Robin looked up as it got closer.

"kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**" Starfire just managed to catch the figure as he almost hit the ground, the momentum still causing the both of them to crash into the ground causing a large cloud of dust.

* * *

Ace smiled as he laid there. He was _assuming_ that someone would have caught him. Pushing himself up he looked at the villains eyes hitting the girl last.

"Well you're actually quite lovely, and you would be?"

"I-I'm Jynx." She stuttered out, probably from the shock of it all than anything else.

"Awesome. I would be Ace. Ace of Spades specifically. And this is my card." He said as he whipped a Queen of Hearts out of his sleeve before giving it to her.

Ace noticed everyone staring at him,

"Don't mind me, by all means, continue your fight, I'm just going to grab some pizza." And he did just that, grabbing a table, he called a waiter over. He was going to have Hawaiian. And it was going to be great.

He barely paid any attention to the fight, until Robin was thrown into the sewers that is. He was faced with the ultimate decision: Continue to blissfully eat his pizza, or go save Robin. Looking back and forth from his pizza, he had a resigning sigh as he ran to the hole yelling,

"Imma comin' Robin!" before diving in.

It wasn't hard to find him, what with the red and all. Grabbing onto his cape he dragged him onto the sidewalk type deals on the side. Laying him down he pressed his chest a few times before cuffing a hand around his mouth and breathing out. He continued this a few times before Robin sputtered back to life.

"Whew, thought you bit the dust back there."

He had a look of shock for a minute before snapping back to consciousness.

"Ace. where are the Titans, did we win?"

"If you didn't see dumbass, I was saving you, I have no idea what they are doing up there."

"Well, we should get back to the tower, regroup with the others."

Ace wordlessly shrugged before throwing Robin's arm around his shoulder as he dragged him to the new H in the sky.

* * *

"Don't you guys get it, they won, we lost!" Cyborg yelled.

"So this is it, the Titans are finished." Beast Boy muttered as they sullenly watched the Tower.

"Oh my God, will you three stop throwing pissy fits."

The Titans turned around in surprise seeing their leader standing with Ace.

"Not yet we aren't."

* * *

Ace had watched gleefully from the shadows as the Titans absolutely demolished the H.I.V.E cadets, which was actually pretty sad considering how badly they had the Titans beat last time.

During the chaos on the roof, he had slipped into the living room and set the stolen remote on the table.

He contemplated why he had helped the Titans. Looking down at the floor he remembered.

The bastards messed with his cards.

**Three days later**

Ace was awoken by the sound of extremely loud and close thunder and lightning.

_Nope. Going back to sleep._

**A/N: Wow. This one was really late. I meant to have it done three weeks ago. Shit. Anyways, Thunder and Lightning just weren't worth it. And cards FTW. Somehow I don't believe that Robin was worth it either.**

**Ooooh, that quote was so perfect.**

**LOL, R&R**

**-Infernokota**


	8. Chapter 7: Mad Mod

"**Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America."**

**-James Joyce**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

**Warning: F-bombs. Lots and lots of F-bombs.**

Ace was in the middle of spray painting 'Beast Boy's immortal love for Robin' when he noticed the green smoke filling the room.

_Oh you are fu-_

* * *

He woke up some time later along with the Titans, all strapped to chairs, in what appeared to be a mansion with checkered chairs.

"Am I the only one who doesn't know where we are?" Beast Boy muttered.

"Oh shut up." Ace snapped.

"Why, you're right where you belong, my duckies." A shadowed figure exclaimed from the top of the stairs. "You're in school!" the figure jumped and slid down the railing, revealing a middle aged red headed British man with a jacket designed with the Union Jack.

"Oh my God, he's so chic!" Ace laughed from his seat.

"That's right, loves, you're the only students at Mad Mod's institute for bratty teenaged do-gooders."

"Wait, I'm not a hero, what the hell dude!?" Mad Mod ignored him.

"Hey can you hear me? Helllllllooooooooo? I. Am. Currently. Speaking. To. Yo-"

"Of course I can hear you! Your screechy voice is gettin' on me bloody nerves."

"Geez, who shat in your cereal?" Mad Mod sighed and decided that ignoring the black robed teen was the better approach.

"ANYWAY, it's high time that someone taught you sprogs a lesson." He said as he lifted his ruby tipped cane that was now sparking."

"uh oh" Beast Boy amended.

* * *

**Fades to black, then back in**

* * *

"Alright, did anyone else hear the Japanese opening theme? What does that mean?" Ace questioned.

"Titans move!" Robin ordered as Mad Mod danced his way over to them. Alas all they could do was struggle.

"My starbolts are useless!" Starfire gasped.

"Specially designed chairs, love. Can't have those nasty superpowers interfering with my lecture now, can I?"

"Get away from her!" Robin shouted.

"Now, don't get your knickers in a twist, my little snot. I didn't go to all the trouble of building this school and filling your tower with knockout gas just so I could finish you off lickety-split."

"Then what do you want?" Raven asked.

"Just what I said, dearie — to teach you lot a lesson! Yes, I've been watching you children misbehave. And I hate misbehaving children! Fighting crime! Saving lives! Interfering with the plans of hardworking villains! Why, you lot are nothing but a bunch of troublemakers! But you'll learn your place soon enough." The Teen Titans all snapped in different levels of randomness,

"What the hell happened to your heads?!" Ace screamed trying to lean to the side, away from them

"You see, I'm older than you, so I'm bigger, badder, and better."

"Say wha—? Ow!" Cyborg winced as he was hit by Mad Mod's cane.

"You're in my world now. And you won't be getting out until you've learned some proper respect."

"We will get out. And when we do-" Robin was cut off by the sound of a bell ringing.

"Oh, dear. There's the bell, my duckies. Off to class!"

Ace, who had decided to play Mad Mod's game of ignoring each other, was the first to drop.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

* * *

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" he shouted as his chair fell down an impossibly high fall.

He opened his eyes as he realized he wasn't dead. Looking around, he noticed the oversized art materials. In the front of the classroom there was a bust of the British psychopath. Suddenly it started talking.

"Now, now dearie, stop struggling and enjoy todays lesson: Art!"

Ace looked at the now hypnotic former Mona Lisa with disinterest.

Swinging forward then backward, he broke the back of the chair on the ground, leaving his hands attached to the arms. Bracing himself, he slammed his left arm on the ground. While the arm did break, so did his arm. Ace fell on his knees letting out a soundless scream.

Well, there was a squeak in it.

Picking himself up he did the same with his right arm, thankfully with better results.

"HEY! What the bleeding hell! You… you just… How did you ignore the trap."

Ace lifted his hand and tapped his head, "We all have our secrets Mod. What's yours?"

Letting out a low growl before composing himself, Mad Mod continued on undaunted, "Well now, we can't have you breaking school prop- Hey, where are you going?!" He yelled as Ace left the room.

"Leaving." Was all he said as he stepped into the utterly disorienting halls.

_Oh Jesus, this place is giving me a migraine._

Walking forward, he started going up. Lifting an eyebrow, he took a step backward and fell upwards.

_I'm going to go insane. WHERE ARE THE PHYSICS!_

Continuing on, he hadn't realized that he was walking in inverted circles. When he did realize it he looked up, or down, and immediately fell.

_AH WHAT THE FUCK! I HATE THIS PLACE!_

Walking forward despite his utter hatred for the place he was tackled out of the by Mad Mod himself.

"C'mon lad, catch up."

Growling Ace picked himself up and charged in the direction that the Brit had went, before slamming into a wall. Mod turned left, so AOS did as well, seeing the older man running to the left and he tried to follow, only running into _another_ wall.

_I FUCKING SWEAR, I will rip this godforsaken hellhole to pieces and shove them down his throat, so help me God._

Seeing Mad Mod running to the left again, Ace ran down the hall he was already facing, before coming across a door. Opening said door, he was confronted by the British hypnotist at the top of the stairs.

Running up the stairs, he was stopped by them becoming a downwards slide. Jumping onto the railing, he ran up and into the door that Mad Mod had went through, only to be stopped by more white and black hallways.

Ace's look of horror and hatred was interesting to say the least.

Despite the horrible halls he went uninterrupted as he stopped in front of a door.

Opening it, he saw Raven's specially made chair facing a green screen with the hypnotic designs surrounded by giant gym equipment.

Running forward he slammed her chair backwards, breaking the back and the glowing ring around it. Standing back to let her do her job, she sat up rubbing her hands.

"Thanks" was all that the apathic sorceress said.

"No problem. We should probably find a way out. What are you wearing?"

She looked down before drawing her cloak around herself.

"Gym clothes."

Ace ah'd as if he knew what she was talking about.

They walked on in silence until he looked over at her.

"Hey Rae?" she nodded still looking forward.

"Why do wear barely any clothes?" this had her interested.

"Not that I care in the least, but you've got your little slippers and your hood… and an incredibly revealing leotard."

"You're not one to talk, Mr. Ace of Spades."

"Hey mine is for my gimmick, what's your excuse?"

She looked forward for a bit.

"Were you just flirting with me? What, were you going to give me a Queen of Hearts next?"

"Me? Nah, you're more of a Queen of Clubs." She hmm'd questionably.

"Well, considering you could kick my ass at any moment."

He could've _sworn_ that he saw a smirk.

"So you have cards for everybody?"

"Oh hell yeah, see you're the Queen of Clubs, Robin's the King of Diamonds, Starfire is the Queen of Hearts, Cyborg is the King of Clubs, while Beast Boy is the Joker card, a wild card, he can shift any battle in his favor. See, you all are actually more of Jacks. Kings and Queens are people like Batman, or Superman, you have to _earn_ the right to be a King or Queen. Hell, be happy you guys are big in Jump or you might not be a face card at all." He was silent for a moment, "I once knew a man who said 'Hearts are for emotion, spades are for intellect, diamonds show wealth, and clubs, hm, that's to signify… power… or for hitting people'."

They walked in silence until coming to a stop in front of two doors. Suddenly the door to the left was slammed open as Cyborg stumbled out.

"Oh hey guys, have we found the others yet?" they shook their heads no. Shrugging he joined them as they went through the door to the right that led back to the main room. Hearing somebody on the other side of the stairs, Ace raised his hand before gesturing to it. Nodding in understanding, the three walked to them.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh, Cyborg, Raven how glad we are to see you." Starfire said. Ace pouted behind his mask.

"This place is making me crazy!" Robin nearly yelled.

"Tell me about it! Mad Mod's whacked out computer lab nearly crashed my hard drive!" Cyborg agreed.

"Where did our captor send you?" Starfire questioned Ace and Raven.

"Gym."

"Art."

"Anybody seen BB?" Cyborg realized.

Beast Boy was currently on the floor, crawling like a caterpillar, covered in drool.

"Mad Mod's hypnotism, we can't snap him out of it." Robin answered at the looks of questioning by the three. "We've tried everything."

"Did ya try this?" Cyborg picked BB's ear, burping loudly into it.

"Hahahaha, nice one! Uhhh, how did I get here, and why am I covered in drool?" Beast Boy was definitely awake.

"Wonderful! Now we need only locate an exit." Starfire beamed.

Ace had wandered off at this point. If they were going to spend half an hour reuniting, he was going to take a nap.

"C'mon, won't you lot ever learn" Mad Mod said. Ace looked back at the group, BB being hypnotized.

"After him!" Robin ordered.

So, with the exclusion of Beast Boy and Starfire, they chased the now moped riding Mad Mod until the two caught up with them.

Reaching the end of the hall, Robin was hit by a banana. Turning around they chased him back.

Ace looked to the left. "What the fuck kind of plane of existence is that statue in!?"

Running forward, Ace looked to his right to see a fountain,

"Is that fountain a painting!? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS PLACE- AND IS THAT A ROCKET!? RUN YOU FOOLS!" wisely following Ace's suggestion they ran into a white room with a bunch of black holes, one of which Mod had jumped into.

Attempting to follow him, Robin face planted on the now solid floor.

Ace stood back, his scientific mind beginning to shut down.

Eventually they found the right hole and he sluggishly followed.

Then they all popped up in 70's colorful clothes.

Seeing the Brit pass by, they ran after him, onto a set of endless stairs.

Eventually, Mod reached the top and pressed his cane down. The stairs became a slide as Raven and Starfire flew while Ace jumped and grabbed onto the former's cloak.

Beast Boy turned into an octopus and saved the other two.

They found Mad Mod and followed him into a room with a row on doors on each side.

Walking through one, Ace came out of the way they entered into the hallway. Stumbling to the back of the room he watched emptily as they defied physics. Eventually Robin went to the back with him.

All the Titans walked up to a door and opened them simultaneously. With nothing behind them, they (and with Ace now in tow) all walked to the last door smiling.

Pulling it open a T-Rex's head popped out and roared, scaring them all half to death.

Seeing Mod using the bust in the back, they followed suit and walked into a hallway with the exit at the back.

"No way, is tha-" BB began.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" He was cut off by Ace running full speed at the tarp.

"NO MORE MAD MOD. NO. GODDAMN MORE."

"Right back where we started!" Robin yelled frustrated

"Of course you are, my duckies. Class is over, and you lot haven't learned a thing. That's a failing grade for each bloomin' one of you. There's only one thing for it. You'll have to repeat the enti-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

He, much like Beast Boy, was cut off by Ace's pure rage. Running full force at Mad Mod, he went through the hologram, through the hypnotic walls, through the maze of pipes and wires, right to where the elderly man was controlling everything.

"Wait a moment, I've lost Ac-" Ace had picked him up and punched him once, knocking him out immediately.

Walking back to the now exposed large room, Ace threw Mod through the hole he made.

"I've found him. It's over. I'm going to pass out now." And that he did.

He woke up sometime later outside.

"Oh glorious sunlight! How I have missed thou." Ace smiled behind his mask not getting up yet.

"You alright? You kinda freaked out at the end there." Robin said.

"Hm, yeah," he said sitting up, "I have a very scientific mind that relies on physics to get me through life and. That was not physics. That was hell. I think my rage broke."

Robin nodded before calling a group huddle a little ways away.

Ace watched disinterestly as they talked, every once in a while looking over at him. He looked down at Mad Mod.

The Titans had come to a decision. Robin started talking.

"Well Ace, as the leader of the Titans, I would like to ask… if you would join the Titans." The last part was deadpanned as Ace had disappeared with Mod.

**A/N: Next chapter will be a time skip leading into the next season. All will be explained in time, young ones.**

******Alright, so I'm looking for a beta? Anybody want to volunteer?**

**LOL, R&R**

**-Infernokota**


	9. Chapter 8: A Rivalry Begins

"**Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."**

**-Mark Twain**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

**The scene fades in to Jester with a pipe in a lush chair sitting next to a roaring fire with a lion at his feet.**

"Oh, why hello there children," a puff on his pipe, with bubbles coming out, "I didn't see you there. This is your favorite Uncle Jester here, coming to inform you of the time skip between 'Car Trouble', to 'Every Dog Has His Day'. It's mostly because I have a lazy ass author who doesn't want to write about; A: mopey Cyborg, B: mopey Robin, C: Starfire-centric, or D: Beast Boy-centric. I mean, come on, in those you wouldn't get to see the wondrous Ace of Spades. So please, enjoy this 4-episode chapter kicking off with 'Terra'."

* * *

Ace woke up that morning feeling great. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, you wouldn't even think that they were right next to the city.

Listening at his door for a few minutes, he decided that no one was home and it was an ample time to stock up the mini-fridge. Sneaking out to the kitchen with the utmost stealth, he raided a comical amount of food and drinks.

Hearing the sound of the elevator arriving he put the food back in the fridge and rushed back to his bedroom. He put his ear up to the door and listened to the commotion.

"You guys got anything to eat?"

Ace paled.

Peeking through the crack in his door, he watched in horror as a girl ate_ everything_. Even Starfire's grub.

He walked back to his mini-fridge and looked sullenly at the one ham sandwich in there. He had the weirdest want for PB&J. Huh.

He lied back down on his bed, the sounds of water running unfortunately keeping him awake.

Later that night he crept into the kitchen to survey the damage. There was nothing. It was just… gone. He groaned and walked to the window looking out on the bay. There were two figures sitting next to each other. He sighed,

_Crazy kids_.

He ducked under the random clothing line and went back into his room to sleep.

* * *

The next morning he laughed as Terra thoroughly thrashed Cyborg's record, at the cost of the fancy new training course.

The alarm went off. Ace casually walked to the terminal, knowing that the Titans had their communicators. Checking it, he saw the alert being underground. This was the third hardest decision of his life: follow them underground or stay comfortable at the Tower.

He sighed and grabbed his cards.

Following them was easy. Getting into the cave was not.

Climbing the side of the cave he shimmied up jumping onto a scaffold watching the battle below. Seeing Terra running off he narrowed his eyes and followed. He slipped around Beast Boy and Terra holding each other and went in the way he had seen Slade go.

"Hello there Ace. Or should I say… Jester." Ace turned to see the man walk out of the shadows behind him.

"Slade Wilson. Or should I call you Deathstroke."

If he was impressed he didn't show it.

"You have good information Ace."

"Please, I have amnesia and I know that it's you."

"About that. I have an offer for you. I have a way to show you your past. Give you back the life you never knew you had. All you need to do is infiltrate and gain the trust of the Titans."

"So keep doing what I've been doing?" Slade's eye narrowed.

"What do you mean?"

"I've been in Titans tower for a month now. I know everything about them. Also, about your offer? No. Some things are better left alone."

"Well, we'll see about that." Slade finished before disappearing into the shadows.

Ace arrived back at the tower an hour later, seeing the Titans gathered on the coast, Beast Boy kneeling down.

_Huh. Guess she wasn't trustworthy after all_

* * *

The Titans returned from a fight with some guy called Control Freak.

They had the new big thing in horror Wicked Scary. Ace had _heard_ a lot about it, considering he couldn't go out and get it.

Later that night, the Titans had turned the lights off, popped in the movie, and huddled on the couch. Ace had decided to stick behind the couch so he could watch.

Beast Boy screamed jumping behind the couch. Hearing breath to his right, he looked at the black robed white eyed teen and screamed again.

Robin looked behind the couch to see the mysterious stranger from their adventures.

"Ace?" the other three Titans had turned around, having paused the movie to see the commotion.

"Ok, you guys caught me, I hopped by to see the movie with you guys." Ace put his hands up in a calming manner.

Robin sighed, convinced that Ace came and went as he pleased.

"Fine."

"Whoo!"

* * *

**Two Hours Later**

* * *

Raven and Ace were death clinging to each other; Starfire was hiding behind Robin, while BB was keeping his spot warm behind the couch.

"Is it over?" Beast Boy asked, refusing to come up from behind the couch.

"I dare not open my eyes to check." Starfire said, still behind Robin.

"I've fought psychotic criminals, giant robots, and oozing monsters. And that was the most horrifying thing I've ever seen." Robin stated.

"Mmmhmm." Cyborg agreed.

They, with the exception of Raven and Ace who, while having let go of each other, were still in states of shock, all burst out laughing.

Ace decided that now was a good time to go to the bathroom, and then go to bed.

* * *

Ace was awoken by thunder and lightning.

_It was clear half of an hour ago._

Hearing the sounds of commotion, he began opening the door, only for the Titans to rush past.

Opening the door fully, he went into the main room to wait for them to come back.

It was a full hour since he had decided to wait when Raven came stumbling through the doors.

"Raven?"

"Ace?"

There was a deafening noise as the monster from Wicked Scary came through the right side of the room.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Ace screamed as it bolted towards him. On the left side of the room, a sea of demon rats came through the walls.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" Ace was now officially panicking while Raven kneeled on the floor muttering about not being afraid.

"WHAT THE FUCK RAVEN!?"

Hearing an ominous sound behind him he slowly turned to see a huge black monster coming through the window.

If Ace was any less of a man he would have soaked his pants.

"I am afraid. But that doesn't mean I can't fight back." Raven said standing up.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TAL- WHY ARE YOUR EYES BLACK!?"

Raven started levitating, the monsters being absorbed into her energy. There was a blast of light as the other Titans appeared in the room with them.

"ROBIN?! SOMEBODY EXPLAIN WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" Ace screamed.

Robin looked up at him in shock,

"Ace? Never mind, doesn't surprise me. See, Raven refused to accept her fears and voice them, so they found another way out." Robin thought for a moment, "oh right, Ace I would like to invite yo-" Robin looked around confused. Ace was gone.  
"GODDAMNIT BATMAN!" the other Titans looked at him quizzically.

* * *

It was an average day for Ace. If not a foreboding one. He heard the Japanese opening theme. He knew something pure evil was coming. The Titans had to stop a petty crook from robbing a jewelry store, he took the opportunity to rob the Titan's fridge, who were growing increasingly worried about the disappearance of their food.

He was in the middle of taking some food from the fridge when the door was busted open by Starfire holding a frozen Robin. Even though he couldn't see it, he took solace in the fact that Robby was probably surprised to see him.

"Hey Ace,"

Or maybe not.

Starfire did some crazy space acupressure that randomly cured Robin of his frozen state.

"Better?" Starfire asked, still holding him.

"Actually, much. Thanks."

"I welcome you! There are few problems Tamaranian acupuncture will not fix."

"Great, now that that's taken care of, we can move on to our other problem. Have we found our jewel thief?"

"No. Something much worse." That would be Raven.

"We're gonna need backup." And that's Cyborg.

"We're on our way." Robin said as he and Starfire began running towards the elevator.

"Not so fast. Don't bother, even if you defeat a few of my children, you won't be able to beat the whole swarm. Unless you want your city reduced to a moth eaten wasteland you'll do exactly as I say." Oh. My. God. Killer Moth was making demands.

"What do you want." Robin asked seriously while Ace tried to stifle his laughter.

"My demands are simple. The city will declare me ruler, the Teen Titans will surrender, and Robin will... take this lovely young lady to her junior prom."

"Hi, Robby-Poo!" That was the most obnoxious voice Ace had ever heard. Ever.

"Erm ... what was that last part again?"

"Robin, who is this girl? And why does she call you 'poo'?"

"Her name is Kitten. And you will take her to prom!" Killer Moth said, shaking his fist menacingly.

"This...prom... is some manner of duel, yes? Robin eagerly accepts!" Starfire said actually slapping Kitten through the T.V. while Robin interestingly freaked out.

"It's not a duel, Star. It's a date." Robin said, quite miserable. Ace found the entire situation amusing.

"He does NOT accept, do you hear?! Robin does NOT accept!" Starfire all but yelled as Robin dragged her away.

"We're gonna need a minute. Ace, distract them."

"Wait! Don't leave me with them." Robin was already gone.

They stared at Ace.

"Soooooo, Killer Moth… ya… ya had a kid?"

"Obviously."

More awkward silence.

"Riddle me this Moth, why are you doing this badass megalomaniacal scheme now, while back in Gotham you were such a scrub?"

"Well… Back in Gotham people would only step up their game and make me a bigger loser and harder to do stuff on their level. And who are you to call me a scrub!?"

"Call me a friend of a friend. Alright, this entire situation is to damn funny."

"I'll do it." Oh look, Robin was back.

"Don't tell me. Ask the girl."

"You've gotta be..."

"DO IT!" Killer Moth yelled.

"Kitten, was it?" Robin said, gritting his teeth.

"Meow." She said, looking like a cat.

"Ah, I see what she did there, her name is Kitten… and she's a cat." They all looked at Ace.

"Sorry, sorry, my bad, my bad."

"Right. Will you... go with me to the prom?" Robin said as he seemed to be seething with pure hatred and disgust.

"Oh, Robbie-poo! I thought you've never ask!"

Ace lost it.

* * *

Robin had already left and Ace was contemplating leaving the situation alone. Dammit, this entire adventure was just a bunch of hard choices.

"Starfire, let's go."

"But I need to get to the others."

"No, you need to gather information. I know just where to do it. But first, you need a dress."

Star and Ace showed up at the Cruise ship, Starfire in a sparkly pink dress, Ace in a tuxedo with his hood still on.

While Star greeted Robin, Ace walked to the punch bowl with a small bottle of jack. What? No good prom didn't have a spiked punch bowl.

Looking back to see Starfire destroying Kitten's obnoxious pink limo, he walked back and led her over to a table.

"Calm down Star, we don't need to kill her yet. I still need to get the trigger."

She nodded, making monstrous faces.

"Yeah… let's just… walk away."

He led her over to the punch bowl. She grabbed a cup and the spoon, but didn't pour anything.  
"Hey, can we have some punch?"

Starfire roared at them, looking absolutely frightening.

"RUN." Ace whispered frantically. They nodded and scampered away.

"Nope. Nope, Starfire, we're going back to the table."

Ace looked over to see Robin talking to a spider man. No hyphen.

_Hell._

Running over, Ace hit the spider man with a flying kick.

Standing up he popped his back.

"Oh. Oh. Been to long… come Robby, let's crack Parker's head, Yea?"

* * *

**Scene fades back into Jester,**

"Hello again. Yeaaaah… we're going to go ahead and skip Starfire again, Kay?"

**Scene fades out.**

* * *

Ace was watching the Titans play volleyball with disinterest.

It was like normal volleyball… only more interesting.

He sighed as Beast Boy hit the ball over the ledge.

_And there goes my entertainment._

Sighing he began walking back into his room. Hearing commotion back outside, he swiftly turned around. Narrowing his eyes, he saw a vaguely familiar blonde woman.

_Isn't that the woman from a couple of weeks ago?_

Walking back to the window he attempted to listen on to their conversation. Unfortunately there was a window in his way. If he had his way, there would be no such thing as this window.

With the Titans rushing back inside, he turned and walked back to his room.

At the silence he peeked out from his room. Nothing. Perfect.

Walking to the fridge, he freezed, his hand millimeters away from the handle. Narrowing his eyes, he looked around. Grasping the handle firmly continued being vigilant. Pulling it open a crack he stopped and waited. Swinging it open, he turned around with his cards out. At the silence he grabbed his loot and turned tail back to his room.

With no one stopping him he smiled to himself.

_This was going to be the. Best. Day. Ever._

* * *

This was most certainly not the best day ever.

He was eating on the couch, watching a comedy movie when the Tower began shaking. Rushing over to the window, he gasped at Starfire, Cyborg, and Beast Boy fighting a green metallic ring lasering a circle around the Tower.

Banging his fists against the window, he began frantically screaming,

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, PLEASE SAVE ME YOU ASSWIPES! I'M GOING TO DIE IN A GIANT T! FUCK!"

It went pleasantly on like that as he grew more and more frantic as it began sinking into the ground.

All of a sudden it stopped.

Coming up from the pillow that he had been holding over his head in an attempt to protect himself.

He decided that this was a good point to end his day.

* * *

Hearing someone enter his room he grabbed his cards from the bedstand. There was shuffling around for a bit before someone bumped into his foot.

"Robin?" Cyborg?

"No, I'm over here." Robin?!

"Hm, must have been a piece of furniture."

_What the hell is going on?_

It was a few minutes until someone else opened the door.

"SURPRISE!" Four of the Titans yelled from the room, while Raven and Terra were at the entrance.

"Who's that guy?" Terra asked, pointing between Cyborg and Starfire.

The other Titans looked behind them to see Ace in an attack form with his cards drawn.

"Ace?" just then Robin began noticing things about the room: the lush black blanket, the stuffed drawers, and the table with microscopic mechanical materials and playing cards.

"Ace are you living here?"

Ace thought about lying.

"Yes. Yes I am."

"How long?" Cyborg asked.

"Uh, two or three months. Give or take. Oh, and Robin? I'll take you up on that offer. Mostly because I don't want to lose my room."

"How did my sensors not pick you up?" Cyborg asked incredulously.

"Please, I hacked your systems weeks ago."

Cyborg began comically sparking out.

"Also, what does the guest room situation look like?" Ace said raising his hand.

"I can go sleep on the couch for now." Terra offered.

"You do that." He said turning away.

* * *

**The Next Day**

* * *

Ace was sitting on the couch, staring off into space as he flipped his cards between his hands that were a good two feet apart.

"Hey Ace, we're going out to celebrate yours and Terras joining the team with pizza, do-" Robin started.

"No." Ace deadpanned.

"What?!" Beast Boy asked.

"I'm not going with her."

"Oh, come on, even Raven's accepted her."

"Besides, Friend Terra is much of the fun." Starfire finished.

"I. Am. Not. Going with her."

"Guy, you don't even know me, what's your problem?"

Flipping over the couch he bared down at the much shorter teen who shrank back at the very imposing black robed Titan.

"Because I know a traitor when I see one. And you are not trustworthy. I'm keeping my eye on you." He threatened, his one visible eye adding to the statement.

He began walking back to his room.

"How come she's not trustworthy and you are?" Robin questioned.

"Because I could of killed you all weeks ago." He stated simply before stepping into his room and shutting the door.

* * *

**A/N: Jesus, serious Ace?! Blasphemy! This one was a lot of fun to write. We see the return of the Jester, if only a cameo.**

**DoctorWhoXX: We will see. We will see indeed, mwahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA (lightning flashes)**

******Alright, so I'm looking for a beta? Anybody want to volunteer?**

**R&R, LOL**

**-Infernokota**


	10. Chapter 9: Foodsava-Man!

"**Many of you have never opened Chardonnay under fire!"**

**-Robin Williams**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

"You are fucking me." Ace said, his eye twitching.

"I'm not." Robin answered.

"I. Am not. Sharing a room with her." Ace stated very matter of factly.

"If we're going to work well as a team out there, we all need to get along. You two are the only ones that don't." Robin shot back.

"But whyyyyyyy, why can't I be like an intel guy or something?"

"Because you would be better in the field and we need all the people we can get."

Ace huffed and slammed the door.

* * *

Ace was aware of Terra watching him build the wall. He didn't truly care. He was going to build that wall.

"What are you doing?" she finally asked.

"Building." He stated very simply.

"Building what?"

"A wall."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you in my room."

"Isn't this the whole reason we are in here together? To build trust?"

"No. We are here because Robin is a dumbass."

She huffed and left the room.

* * *

Ace and Terra stood side by side on the newly built obstacle course.

"Alright you two, you need to work together." Robin said over the intercom.

Terra shook her arms, limbering up while Ace stood there impassively. Terra looked over at him as the countdown began,

"You ready partner?"

He barely spared her a glance.

"Just don't get in my way."

The countdown ended.

Ace ran ahead of Terra jumping in between two laser shots, quickly vaulting a rock wall. Throwing a card at a machine that smashed down, it was electrocuted, being shorted out. Running beneath the former lethal trap, he performed a perfect corkscrew flip between two saw blades he tucked into a barrel roll before seeing Terra flying by on a rock right in front of him. Turning around he ducked beneath a rocket that nearly hit him in the face, before hitting the ground behind him throwing him forwards.

"Shut the course down!" Robin yelled at Cyborg.

Ace ripped his tattered black robe off growling.

"What the hell was that, Terra?!"

She squeaked and stumbled for an answer.  
"I-I don't-"

"'I don't' won't cover it. You almost got my ass killed."

She looked back up at him, eyes now defiant.

"If you didn't get in my way, you wouldn't have gotten hit."

Ace ground his teeth and walked back inside. The rest of the Titans watched him go.

"I didn't mean to…" Terra started.

"It's alright, I don't even think he likes all of _us_ yet, give him time." Beast Boy said.

* * *

There was the alert.

Ace stumbled out of his room still half asleep.

"Titans Go!" came Robin's trademark yell.

Bunking with Cyborg and the other three Titans that didn't have a form of transport (Raven, Beast Boy and Terra) he was thankfully saved the uncomfortable awkwardness by being allowed the passenger seat.

"So… does this thing get radio?"

Cyborg looked at him as if he were dumb.

"Of course this thing gets radio."

Reaching his hand up slowly towards the electronic system, Cyborg slapped it away.

Recoiling in shock, Ace shot him a mock glare,

"Hey passenger gets access to the radio control, car etiquette."

Huffing Cyborg let him play with the settings.

Unsurprisingly enough, Ace put on Motorhead.

Terra blinked in the back and glared at Beast Boy,

"Doesn't like you guys yet you said."

"Heheh." Beast Boy chuckled nervously while Ace rocked out in the front.

"Sooo…" Raven began, trying to break up the awkward silence,

"Ace, what do you think Terra's card would be?"

Ace paused the music.

"Joker card." Terra's eyes lit up,  
"Really?" she said happily.

"Really, you don't know where she is, and half the time she won't even be there for you. She can also ruin _everything_ if used against you by the opponent." Ace said, more implication of her being a traitor.

"Forget I asked." Raven huffed.

And so the uncomfortable silence returned.

It wasn't long until they arrived at the crime scene and Ace was… utterly disappointed. He expected something like the H.I.V.E students, or (and he hated himself for asking for it) Mad Mod. Killer Moth at the very least. They were confronted by a stereotypical robber in a black outfit. Robin got off his bike and walked into the shop to knock him out.

It was a good solid five minutes until Robin was thrown through the window, clear across the street as the former small time crook stepped on the window sill, cracking his neck.

Ace summed this situation up pretty well.

"Oh shit."

Starfire flew towards him, only for her fist to be caught by his and thrown straight up, then upper-cutted underneath her chin back up into the air.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" Raven yelled as she threw a streetlight at the man, only for him to catch it and swing it at her like a baseball bat sending her flying.

Beast Boy had transformed into a gorilla to get the robber when he forcefully followed Robin across the street.

Ace threw a volley of cards at the man, each exploding against him. The smoke cleared revealing the man unfazed, with his shirt ripped and his skin now metal.

Ace chose this time to reiterate himself.

"Shit."

Throwing a card at his feet, it harmlessly bounced against the flying rock.

"Dammit Terra!" the man caught the rock and threw it back at her, which she barely ducked with a squeak.

Running at him, Ace threw a brass-knuckled fist at the figure who simply took it and laughed, before punching him straight up.

Ace closed his eyes for a minute before throwing out a deck of cards that attached together and created a platform for him to land on, the cards at the back firing jets that propelled him forwards.

The figure had turned towards Terra, who uselessly threw boulders at him. Face turning up in a scowl, she raised two columns on either side of him, smashing them together. Flying by, Ace threw volley after volley of explosive cards at him, effectively welding the two rocks together.

Landing on the other side of Terra, his card board unlinked and folded into a neat stack of cards. Walking to a stop, he turned to Terra who was walking towards him.

"We make a good team, you and I." Terra said.

"Think nothing of it. I still don't like you, and if you betray these people, I will be right next to Beast Boy- duck!"

He said as he pushed her down as the metal man flew over them.

Throwing what was supposed to be a bolo-type cards, they were interrupted yet again by Terra's rocks. The large man jumped on top of the building and away.

Throwing his cards on the ground Ace was appalled. She interrupted him not once but twice. Throwing his hood back he walked up to her, preparing to say something.

Unfortunately, his pure, unadulterated rage refused to let him talk. Oh sure his mouth was moving, just no sound came out. Standing there for a minute, he eventually yelled infuriatedly before storming off. Terra stood there confused.

* * *

**Back At the Tower**

* * *

Ace stood in his room looking with pride at the newly built wall with a door in the middle.

Looking back at Terra who was standing behind him he started,  
"Alright my little traitorous one, I'm going to lay down some ground rules: one, you will not, with no exceptions, enter my side of the room; two, I could not give a damn what you do with your side of the room, go wild; three… I don't have a three, but if I did it would be really strict and unfair. You are dismissed." He said as he walked back into the hall and then to Robin's study.

"So Robby, how's the search coming on our mysterious metal man?" Ace asked.

"Right now I've got nothing, it's like he never existed."

Ace thought for a moment,

"Or… someone made it to where he never existed…"

Robin looked up, "Slade."  
"Bingo."

Robin went back to his computer, "So instead of looking for him, I'm going to look for anything _about _him," a moment of silence, "I got something. There was a recent report with a low security prison in Star: there was an experimental super drug and the scientists that created it needed viable test subjects, so they offered the prisoners a deal: if they would allow themselves to be tested on, they could have their sentences reduced. Hmm, the only surviving prisoner was a man by the name of Aurum Ferrumque. Could be our guy."

"Look at you, being all detective and shit."

* * *

Walking back out to the kitchen he whipped a few things out of the fridge and began cooking while singing in Latin.

* * *

Robin, Beast Boy, and Cyborg disappeared. They were in a very heated card game, and they just disappeared. Ace was officially panicking. Not only were his good friends gone, he was now surrounded by the girls. By no means was he sexist, but they were just _relishing_ torturing him. He was pretty sure that Terra was leading it. What? Just because she was suspicious as all hell didn't mean that she needed to take it out on him, while he wasn't even sure Raven was there, he knew that Terra convinced Starfire to do it.

"Come out Ace, we aren't going to do anything bad, we were just going to get manipedis, then get our hair dyed pink."

"Go. Away."

"Come out, we wish to do the friendly bonding!"  
"Bond with her Star, I ain't coming out."

"I will break this wall down Ace, don't think I won't."

"You know what, you guys should try finding the others, it'll do you good."  
"You should come help us friend!"

"Nope."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

"Fine. But I'm going to eat everything in the fridge."

"… I'll be right out."

Ace sighed and shut his computer off. Research could wait.

"I'm out. What do you want?"

"Oh nothing, we're just going to watch chick flicks!"

"Yes, we will watch the 'romantical mush' as Terra calls it."

"See, even Starfire wants to watch it- what are you doing?" she asked as Ace picked the fridge up.

"Iamsavingthefoodyouevilevilwoman!" he said as he ran back to his half of the room.

"You son of a bitch!"

* * *

**Five Days Later**

* * *

Ace sighed as Beast Boy asked Terra out.

_I'm the only one that knows that she's a traitor._

He did have a resigning sigh to himself though, knowing that Terra had shut him down, he went and lied down on his bed.

He was jolted awake by the sound of the window opening. Looking to the side, he noticed that while his window wasn't open, Terra was flying past it. Scowling, he closed his eyes in concentration for a moment before throwing a deck of cards out that surrounded him, making him invisible.

Pulling out another set of cards, he threw the deck that created the card-board. Jumping on it he followed them to an empty amusement park.

He watched them for most of the night. While he didn't really care _that much _about Beast Boy, he figured if she tried to murder him, or anything like that, he could help.

* * *

It was stupidly droll. _Nothing_ happened at all. He was playing with the idea of just turning in for the night and heading back to the tower when he saw a familiar silhouette in the carriage with them.

_Oh, this is going to be good._

Beast Boy tackled Slade out of the carriage onto the one beneath them, where they had a short scuffle until Beast Boy got on the rock with Terra and they flew to the house of mirrors.

Following them inside at a safe distance, he watched as Terra left the fighting Slade and BB into another cylindrical room of mirrors.

"And just where do you think you're going, missy?" the blonde teen turned in shock.

"Ace? Were you following us?"

"That's not your biggest problem right now is it? Why is Slade here, and where is your communicator?"

"You guys, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen." She said as she kneeled on the floor clutching her head.

"Then why did you let it?" Oh look Beast Boy was back. Ace took a step back to let them work the drama out.

"I don't know, okay? I don't know. Slade, he helped me. Saved me from myself. He said I owed him..."

"So, it was all a game? You were just pretending?"

"No. You said you'd be my friend no matter what, remember?"

"Slade was right. You don't have any friends." Beast Boy turned towards Ace as she stepped back towards Slade. Closing her eyes and looking down for a moment, she looked up with anger.

* * *

"Ace was right, we shouldn't have trusted her." Robin said, sitting on an upturned piece of furniture like the other Titans while Ace stood behind Robin leaning against a wall, smirking behind his mask.

"I knew I should have listened to him." Raven said.

They all looked at Ace expectantly.

He looked up,

"What?"

Raven was the first to speak,

"Aren't you going to say 'I told you so'?"

"Me? No, I'm going to wait until you least expect it, then I will strike." He ended mysteriously.

"How are you taking this so well, Slade knows everything about us: our weaknesses and likes, everything." Robin asked.

"Well first off, I have forever bragging rights, second off, I know where they are." He said, waving something that looked like a GPS.

Cyborg looked at him in shock,

"You really planted a tracking device?"

"Hell yeah I did. I told you guys I knew that she was a traitor."

"Fast thinking, Ace." Robin commended.

* * *

The Titans were gathered around a deserted piece of desert a little ways outside the outskirts of Jump City.

"I do not understand, where is Slade and Terra?" Starfire asked dumbfounded.

Looking around, Ace walked a ways away from the group. Kneeling down he picked up a small black spades shape.

"They figured me out." He muttered under his breath.

Looking around he got the worst gut feeling that something was wrong.

"Titans, we have to go now!" was all he was able to say until the explosion went off.

**A/N: So, watched Fantastic Four for the first time in forever, and I've got to say: Latveria is evil as fuck.**

**They gave their national hero, as a prize for peace!, an evil ass mask. So I figured it out: Evil ass Latveria gave their evil ass hero a evil ass mask.**

**Also, I had a hard time deciding if I should do the Terra and Starfire torturing him. Then I was like 'Fuck it' and that was born.**

**Also also, I forgot to say this in the first Teen Titans chapter (And I'm to lazy to go back and edit it), the original Ace of Spades outfit was created by BlahhxOc (doubt that I'm spelling that right.) that I pretty much blatantly stole, so go check out their drawing of it over at Deviantart and you can get a pretty good idea of what it is and see the actual creator's stuffs and give them credit. **

**Also also also, I finally got around to rewriting the first chapter (and I still need to do the second and third) do check it out. It's quite a bit darker than the original, but ya'll that actually have read the entire story, and I thank you for it, will recognize bits and pieces of it, but from a third person view.**

**Also also also also, looking back at the first chapters, I noticed on chapter 4 I think it was, I gave a rough schedule update, then the very next chapter that was thrown out the window. Don't know why that was relevant, thought it was funny at the time though.**

**Also also also also also,**** so I'm looking for a beta? Anybody want to volunteer?**

**I think that's it...**

**R&R, LOL**

**-Infernokota **


	11. Chapter 10: Lemmy

"**Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you." **

**-Anonymous**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

Ace slammed the cast wearing Robin against the wall,

"What. The fuck. Did you do?" Robin was thoroughly confused.

"I didn't do anything. I just got hurt."

"That's not true. I heard the Japanese theme. And this time it was weird. If something terrible happens, I will murder you." Putting him down, he began walking back to his now huge room.

"I'm going to look for Rancid, you guys-" he was interrupted by Robin's screaming.

"Woah, woah, woah, what's happening?" he watched in horror as something very large popped out of Robin's head.

"What the fuck is that!?"

"I'm Nosyarg Kcid!" the short Robin mini-me just about yelled.  
"AND WHAT DOES THAT ANSWER! STOP TALKING IN GIBBERISH!" Ace shouted.

"MY. NAME. IS. NOSYARG KCID!" the mini-me Robin yelled back.  
"So Nosy… Nawsey… we'll just call you Larry." The mini-me, now dubbed Larry, eyes lit up.

"Larry!" he said to Beast Boy, "Le Larry" he said with a fake French accent while kissing Starfire's hand, "Larry!" he said over and over as he appeared in Raven's cloak, _inside_ of Cyborg's robot parts, and in Ace's robe then his mouth.

"Nope. Fuck this shit, I'm going to look for Rancid, you guys have fun with this reality bending maniac." He said before turning tail and practically sprinting towards his room.

"What's his problem?" Larry asked.

"It's for the best, last time something like this happened, his mind broke and he went on a rampage to make it stop. This is definitely for the best. Personally, I like the Tower." Beast Boy answered.

"Uh, attention Titans, I've located Rancid downtown. He's not being very subtle." Ace's voice came over the intercom.

"Titans, go take care of it." Robin said.

* * *

Ace was trying to enjoy a PB&J sandwich that he had fallen in love with when he felt the weirdest sensation before appearing above Raven and Beast Boy, the former who took an impossibly long step to the side and didn't appear to have a mouth.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" he screamed as he fell with the two Robins.

"Dammit Robin! This is what happens when you piss off the creators! We get stuck in hellholes like this!"

"Calm down Ace." Beast Boy said in Raven's voice.

"And what the fuck is wrong with your voice?"  
"He didn't have a mouth so he took mine." Said Raven in Cyborg's voice.

"Alright, this is all too fucking weird," Ace decided "So, what the literal fuck is going on here?" he asked, seeing the city turned into a giant cartoon world.

"Yeah, this looks like something that should be on my Grandma's fridge." Cyborg agreed.  
"Oo, me and Robin broke reality." Larry answered.

Ace's eye twitched,

"You. _Broke _reality?" he asked, still twitching.

"Yep, me and Robin did."  
"I'm going to go insane." Robin said.

"Ditto." Raven deadpanned as her hair looked like something out of a 90's hairstyle.

"My outfit's different. Why is my outfit different." And so Ace's outfit was. It was color swapped: There was a majority white with black spades.

Starfire giggled as her head grew wings and flew off her body.

Looking over to see a huge streak of light coming out of Titan's tower, the only building not cartoonified,

"Well, that should be relatively easy to get to." Robin stated as Ace looked at him with a mix of horror and hate. Much like with Mad Mod.

A giant cartoon Godzilla came towards them.

"Never mind." Raven said.

"RUN!" was all Ace was able to say.

And so they did run away from the five year old's monster until Beast Boy split off from the group.

Huddling down in an alcove, Ace motioned to the Titans to stay quiet. Until the idiot Beast Boy came running by, chasing a pole that had a mouth.

"Titans… we… should go." Ace whispered.

Then the Godzilla ripped the top of their hiding place off.

"RUN!" Ace repeated.

It wasn't long until they mysteriously crossed the ocean to the pathway leading up to the tower.

"Oh look, Beast Boy found his mouth." Cyborg said.

"I think you put it on wrong." Raven realized.

"!gniyas m'I tahw dnatsrednu t'nac I !PLEH" Beast Boy yelled angrily.

**One Tower Climb Later**

"I could look at that all day." Beast Boy said, his mouth magically fixed.

"Now all we need to do is turn it off." Robin said.

"No you're not," Rancid said standing on an air conditioner, "That thing controls all this, and I'm going to get it." He said before jumping into the light.  
The city went under a major change: The buildings became dark and crooked, the sky darkened, it was just awful.

"Cool," Raven said, "Uh, I mean, oops." She corrected on the others looking at her.

"Bird Boy! Ready for me to clip your other wing?" Rancid said, punching his own fist, "Your city is mine. Your reality is mine. HAHAHAHA!" he continued, lightning dramatically punctuating his laughter.

He pulled two gun-like weapons out and shot at Robin, who was knocked out of the way by Cyborg. The weapons created a large explosion.

Raising his hands with electricity coming out of them, he summoned his bike.

"C'mon Bird Boy, let's see if you can fly." Rancid said as he jumped on his bike which flew away with flames coming out behind it.

"I'm taking that bike." Ace said bluntly.

"Titans Go!" Cyborg actually said this time.

Pointing his hand at the bike, it came off with a coil behind it. Grabbing the bike he was pulled out to sea.

Ace and the two Robins watched as the other three Titans followed Cyborg and Rancid.

"Why aren't you going to follow them?" Robin asked.

"I'm waiting." Ace said.

"Titans go! Titans go! Robin has to beat the bad guy!" Larry said excitedly

"I can't." Robin said forlornly.

"But why can't you? You're Robin!"

"Don't you get it?! Look at me! I'll just mess it up again!"

"So? I mess up all the time! But I still try. That's how come you're my hero Robin. Because no matter what, you always try."

Robin smiled as Larry conjured the R-Bike with two extra seats.

"You coming!" Larry asked.

"I'm waiting." Ace repeated.

The two Robins shrugged and took off after the others.

"How does it feel, to be beat by a little kid." Robin asked the now normal Rancid.

"Ugh." Was all he was able to say.

Robin watched as Rancid's bike fell to the ground.

"Got it!" Ace yelled as he ran by, comically catching the large bike than running off screen.

Robin blinked.

* * *

"Come Cyborg!" Ace yelled out to Cyborg.

"Is it time?" he asked cryptically.

"It is." They left towards the garage, leaving the other Titans confused.

**Five Hours Later**

"Titans," Ace said over the intercom, "We request your presence down in the garage."

The four teens, not including Ace and Cyborg, joined the other two.

"Now," Cyborg began, "Let me introduce to you, the newest addition to the Titan Garage™!" he said before ripping a blanket off of a black and white bike.

"Is that… Rancid's bike?" Raven asked.

"Why yes, yes it is," Ace said, coming out of nowhere, "Of course me and Cyborg have spent the last few hours upgrading it."

"We really upgraded everything, don't know how Rancid got around on it without it falling apart. Of course, we had to redo the color scheme."

"I call it 'Lemmy'." Ace said, moving his hands dramatically.

"So, does the bike of motors work?" Starfire asked.

The two teens looked at each other.

"Uhhhhh, we… don't know." Cyborg said honestly.

"But it's never too late to try!" Ace said enthusiastically before grabbing Raven and speeding off.

She spent most of the time screaming as he sped by at an unholy speed, making every corner unnecessarily sharp. Seeing a truck that had its back removed and tilted upwards.

"Don't you do it." Raven warned.

"It's too late: I've already narrowed my eyes." He said before hitting that makeshift ramp and flying.

The two returned later.

"Did you two have fun on your date?" Beast Boy teased before seeing Raven's hair that was a huge mess. He laughed, which made the others laugh as well.

"So, how's it run?" Cyborg asked between breaths.

"Just awesome."

The alert then went off.

"Titans, crime is afoot!" Robin said dramatically.

"I always thought crime was a leg, bro." Ace joked.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!" Him, Cyborg, and BB yelled as they mysteriously, without moving their legs, moved off.

* * *

The Titans arrived later to see the hated one (Aurum) standing in the middle of the street, cracking his knuckles.

"Hahaha, I guess you guys already forgot what a beating I gave you all last time. I'll have to teach it again." The large man monologued. The Titans looked unimpressed.

"Wait, where is the robed one?" he said before being encompassed by a bombardment off napalm grenades.

Robin attached a hose to a nearby fire hydrant.

"Hey Aurum, what happens to hot metal that is rapidly cooled?" he said before spraying the water at him.

And like that, he was scrubbed.

* * *

They were taking a nice relaxing ride. Something that Ace was enjoying more than the others.

"Ok… so why do ducks make such good comedians? Because they always quack out a good joke! Hahaha." BB failed at joking.

"Pull over, I'm going to be sick." Raven said truthfully.

"Oh I see, it is funny because ducks do not have the brain capacity to make jokes, hehehe." Starfire giggled.

"Actually Star, it's just not funny." Robin said softly.

"Because, Beast Boy doesn't have the brain capacity to make jokes." Raven droned.

"Come on Rae, you know I'm hilarious. And I won't give up till I make you smile. Alright, why did the aardvark cross the road?" Beast Boy asked.

"To beat up the idiot telling jokes about him?" Raven deadpanned.

Ace, Robin, and Cyborg shared a laugh at that.

"Ahaha, idiot telling jokes about him…" Cyborg said, still laughing.

"Now that's funny." Robin agreed.

Ace hummed in agreement as well.

The ride returned to a comfortable silence as Ace rode his new motorbike, Lemmy, down the road with the other Titans drove alongside him in the T-Car.

Of course, this is also an action story, so that couldn't stay.

The two vehicles were roughly pushed over by a large rock at an intersection, Ace and his bike taking the blunt of the attack.

He sat up, putting a hand to his bloody mask, sure that he had a concussion. Attempting to stand up, he immediately fell back down, almost knocked back unconscious.

Looking around he noticed the battered Titans standing across from Terra.

"Titans, retreat!" Robin yelled.

Cyborg ran over and picked him up.

**Back At the Tower**

"Urgh... I should have blasted her when I had the chance." Cyborg said while picking rocks out of his systems.

"I should have hit her with everything I've got." Raven said miserably.

"Why did I permit her to fool me again?" Starfire agreed, just as miserable.

"Why couldn't we take her down just like every other criminal?" Robin asked.

"Because she's not just another criminal. She's Terra. She was a Titan. She was...our friend." Beast Boy said, looking confused.

"Bullshit," Ace said from his position away from the group, "She _is_ a criminal. She's just as much of a criminal as Slade, and just as much of a criminal as Overload. She wasn't a Titan, and she wasn't your friend. So get over it."

" He's right," Raven agreed, "Terra was never our friend. She was a liar and a spy. Trained by Slade and sent to destroy us. She's evil. Always has been. Always will be."

"You don't know what you're talking about, ok Raven! She's made some serious mistakes, but she's not-"

"Hey, man, the girl wrecked my car. Seems pretty evil to me." Cyborg halfheartedly joked.

Beast Boy threw a table in anger, "This isn't a joke! I knew her better than anyone! I know all the terrible things she's done and I know exactly how messed up she is.

But she's not evil! We can't just give up on her!"

"Are you blind, jackass? Not evil my ass! She tried to _kill_ us. She's not coming back, and you need to step up and face it." Ace said, looking down at Beast Boy. BB pushed the tall Titan back.

"Shut up Ace! Just because you don't like her, and that you were right, doesn't mean she's the Joker!" he yelled.

"Beast Boy, she's working for Slade!" Robin said reasonably

"When you were working for Slade, did we give up on you?"

Robin looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Don't you do it Robin…" Ace warned.

"She gets one last chance! One! We have to break Slade's grip on her! We have to try to get Terra back!" he said.

"Are you fucking me?! She. Is not. Coming back. She is not in Slade's grip. _She's there on her own volition._" Ace growled.

At the looks of pleading and exasperation from the others, he snarled.

"I am surrounded by imbeciles!" he said as he walked away.

The alarm went off.

"Trouble!" Starfire said.

* * *

Ace was driving his bike with Raven flying next to him. Turning their communicators on, they listened to Robin give the rundown,

"We've got three escaped criminals attacking three different places. Whatever Slade's doing, we have to split up and stop it."

"Robin and I shall take Cinderblock." Starfire said.

"Ace and I can take Overload." Raven said.  
"And Beast Boy and I can deal with Plasmus." Cyborg agreed.

"What about Terra?" BB asked sincerely.

"We'll have to deal with her when this is over." Robin said.

Later, Ace and Raven arrived at what appeared to be technological holding… area. Whatever.

Ace looked at her,

"This place has pipes running through the walls. If you can get to them, we can end this early."

She nodded.

Phasing the two of them inside, they were greeted by Overload standing in the middle of the room.  
Focusing for a minute, Raven executed their plan,

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" She yelled, pipes coming through the walls and soaking Overload until all that was left was his chip.

Kneeling down, Ace picked up the chip.

"Something's not right. Why would he come to a place that could defeat him easily?" he pondered out loud.

Then, a mud hose came out of the pipes and hit the two of them, knocking Ace back and against a wall.

Waking up moments later, he saw Raven trying to get to an elevated Terra, only for her to be dragged down into the mud.

"RAVEN NO!" he yelled as he ran towards them. As he ran his steps became slower and slower until he reached her when he was stopped fully. Preparing to grab a deck of cards, the mud came over them, and slowly moved upwards.

"Aw, what's the matter Ace? Stuck? How does it feel, knowing that you were always right, and yet, they never believed you. You were always the odd one out, the untrusted one, while I immediately clicked with all of them, even Raven," she said, looking over her shoulder where Rae was drowned, "Now: Die." She said as she covered his head in the mud.

She stood there for a minute, smirking to herself when the mud around his arms exploded outwards, his hands poised to throw a deck of cards.

Panicking, she quickly recovered him in mud and solidified it.

Sighing, she watched the statue for a moment in trepidation. Deciding that he wasn't going to get free and kill her, she walked off.

Inside of the statue, Ace was finalizing his plan. He knew that she would have frozen the mud if he tried to escape, so he embedded a charge in between himself and the outside. He decided that a 42% chance of survival was good enough. Bracing himself, the explosive went off, hurling him into the wall.

"Ow, ow, ow, yep… that hurt." He muttered to himself.

Stumbling to a standing position, he walked into the mud, searching for Raven. After a minute, he found her and carried her to a shallow spot. Giving a sigh to himself, he performed CPR until she leaned forwards a spat mud out for a good minute.

"Ace?" she said quietly.

"Yo." He replied with a wave of his hand. Sitting up, she hugged him in gratitude. When she pulled back, she had focused herself to neutrality again.

"As heartwarming as this is, we really need to find the others." He said. She nodded.

Picking her up, he threw her arm over his shoulder and walked to the general direction of Robin and Starfire. At least he was hoping it was the general direction.

Seeing the signs of a battle, he set Raven down and searched for a bit. Eventually he found a makeshift rock formation. Pulling it apart, he found a broken Robin.

Pulling him back to Raven, he nodded at her. Understanding, she put her hands on Robin.

Standing there for a moment, Ace walked off to find where Starfire ended up. After a few minutes, he absently walked to a cliff. Looking down, he was shocked to see Starfire in the water.

Walking back to Raven, he picked her up and led her to the cliff side.

"Think you can fly down there and get her?" he asked her.

Nodding, she flew down and picked Starfire up. Taking her back, she put her next to Robin and healed her as well.

"So, I healed them, but I think that Robin might be comatose." She said wearily.  
"Hm, give me a minute." Walking over to Robin, he looked at him for a moment. Leaning down to his face, he whispered into his leader's ear,

"Batman had sex with Starfire."

Robin gasped up quickly, "Batman did_ what_?" he asked outraged.

"I'm just shitting with ya, she's fine." He looked over at her then sighed and lay back down.

"Alright, how many do we got?" he asked Ace.

"Well, Raven and I, and you two. We still haven't found the others-"

"We're right here." Came a miserable voice.  
"Oh, heyo BB!" Ace said cheerfully.

"We need to get to a safe position, then you can make fun of each other." Robin said.

The Titans gathered in a secret tunnel underneath the Tower. No one knew it was there. It was actually kinda weird, I mean, Cyborg has this (somewhat) amazing security system that can detect anything anywhere near the island.

"No more chances." Robin said.

"No more trust." Starfire said.

"And no more mercy." Raven said.

"She's just another criminal." Beast Boy said.

"And we are going to stop her, no matter what it takes." Robin ended menacingly.

"Alright guys, you need to face Terra. I need _someone_ to plant this," Ace said, showing a small tracking device, "We can re-avenge ourselves later; right now we need to find Slade. I'll be watching from here. Once we get it to her, we'll need her to take us to him. I'll follow her as she gets there. I need anyone that can follow her to do so." Ace said, facing away from the Titans and looking at a laptop.

* * *

He watched in glee, from Cyborg's eye, as the other Titans at first successfully dodged her attacks, and then went on the offensive and thoroughly wrecked her. She ran away.

His eyes widened in surprise as Cinderblock, Plasmus, and Overload appeared and then mixed into one huge creature. After defeating him, an army of Slade-bots came out. Looking at his GPS, he noticed that while Terra had run off, the tracker was still with the Titans. Grounding his teeth, he noticed that Beast Boy wasn't with them. Yelling infuriatedly, he left the cave.

"We're going to need a bigger jail." Raven jokingly referenced.

"Where's BB?" Ace asked, appearing out of nowhere.

"Uh, five kilometers east and eight-hundred meters below the surface." Robin said, checking his communicator.

"Dammit!" Ace swore.

* * *

When they arrived at the cave/monastery hideout of Slade's, they noticed Terra holding a stalagmite over Beast Boy.

"STOP!" Robin yelled, the Titans collecting around the two, preparing to attack Terra.

"Strike, apprentice! Now!" Slade yelled.

"Terra, no!" Robin yet again yelled.

"It'll be the last thing you'll ever do!" Raven said, appearing behind Terra.

"I gave you an order! Do it!" Slade commanded.

"Please, Terra, no!" Starfire pleaded.

"Don't do it! Don't do it!" Cyborg warned.

"Listen to us, Terra!" Robin said desperately.

"You're not playing around here!" Cyborg said.

"Fight it!" Raven yelled.

"You're still our friend!" Starfire said.

"You don't have to do this!" Robin yelled.

"We want to help!" Starfire yelled again.

"It's your life, Terra. Your choice. It's never too late to change." Beast Boy said softly.

"Sorry, Beast Boy- for everything I've done." Terra said, looking quite a bit like a kicked puppy. Clenching her fist, Ace's eyes widened. Yelling, she through the rock at Slade.

Looking back at her, Slade's eye narrowed.

"You ungrateful little bitch!" he said, before running at her. Raising a column beneath both of them, she took the battle to the air, out of the Titan's view. After a few minutes, the top of the nearest column glowed, before Slade was pushed off into the lava, her attack creating a chain reaction the turned the mountain into an active volcano.

"Terra's power! It's triggered a volcano!" Robin gasped.

"Big enough to take out the whole city! And WAY too big to stop!" Cyborg agreed, checking his arm.

Raven blocked a wave of lava that almost hit them, "We have to get out of here!" she said. The Titans, with the exception of Ace and BB, ran a ways ahead. Watching Beast Boy and Terra hug, Ace grabbed onto the former and pulled him away.

The last thing they heard was Terra's yell as her power exploded behind him.

**The Next Day**

The Titans walked on the pathway that led to the now solidified Terra, Starfire placed a bouquet of roses at the statue's feet.

"I shall miss you friend." She said.

"We'll be searching for a way to reverse the effect." Raven added.

"We'll bring her back." Robin agreed.

"Someday." Cyborg added.

Beast Boy placed a plaque at the statue's feet that read 'Terra. A Teen Titan. A True Friend.' "I'll never forget you." He said, before walking away with the others.

Watching their retreating backs, Ace looked back at the statue. Kneeling down, he put a playing card next to the bouquet,

"You did good, kid. You did good." Walking away, he looked back at the statue and the card.

It was a Joker's card.

**A/N: I… apologize for the very late chapter. I didn't get a chance to work on it over the weekend, but you guys don't care, right? Right. But now I have two stories to do! Fuck!**

******Alright, so I'm looking for a beta? Anybody want to volunteer?**

**Anyways,**

**As always: R&R, LOL,**

**-Pimp Daddy Infernokota**


	12. Chapter 11: Guys' Night Out

"**I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know… hunting elephants.'"**

**-Anonymous**

**Disclaimer: I'm getting real fucking tired of typing it. Look it up.**

The Titans were gathered outside of Ace's door. He had locked himself inside and wept for the past hour.

"Ace… you can let us in." Robin said.

He sobbed in response.

"Hey man, I know what it's like, but sometimes you've gotta let it go." Cyborg tried.

He started crying louder again.

"Come Ace, we wish to comfort you!" Starfire also tried.

The sobbing stopped for about… 3 nanoseconds until he burst out again.

"We'll eat all of the food." Raven deadpanned. The crying stopped.

After a moment, door opened as Ace stepped out, tears somehow visible on his mask.

"It's ok guys… I just miss her so much." Ace said slowly.

Cyborg put a comforting arm around his shoulder,

"Hey man, listen, you don't need her anymore, we can get you another one, even better." Ace looked up,

"You really think so?"

"I know so." Ace was thoughtful for a moment before he bumped knuckles with Cyborg.

"I do not understand, it is just a motor-bicycle." Starfire realized.

Robin put his hand on her shoulder,

"To some guys, it's a lot more."

* * *

Ace sat down with Cyborg in the garage.

"So, what are we doing again?" Ace asked.

"We're going to build you a brand new bike, even better than Lemmy."

Ace's eyes lit up at that,

"_Better_?"

"Better."

**Two Days Later**

"TITANS!" Cyborg shouted.

The other four Titans rushed to the garage where Ace and Cyborg were.

"What's going on?" Robin asked frantically.

"We… have finished." Ace said mysteriously.

"You're… kidding right." Raven deadpanned.

"We thought that there was an emergency." Robin said, irritated.

"Well, it was an emergency. But we fixed it." Ace said smugly. Turning behind him, he threw the tarp off of the new bike.

"Wow." Raven said, apparently legitimately surprised.

"You guys built this… in two days?" Robin said, amazed.

"Yep. No sleep." Ace said. He then smiled a very Joker-like smile, "Who wants to test it with me? Rae?" looking around, he noticed the empath missing, "Ah well. Wanna race?"

Cyborg and Robin smiled.

* * *

"Oh my god, it goes so fast!" Ace yelled, Robin and Cyborg next to him.

"I know!" Robin shouted above the wind.

"What did you do?!" Ace shouted towards Cyborg.

"It's normal speed is most bike's nitro." Cyborg said back, comfortable within his car.

* * *

They arrived back at the tower minutes later. Which is pretty admirable, considering they were half way across Jump during that conversation.

"That. Was a rush." Ace said, out of breath.

"Yes. Yes it was." Robin replied.

"Hey, listen, I was thinking about the four of us, me, you guys, and Beast Boy all just had a night out, relax, take a load off." Ace suggested, "Let the girls take the scanner, and if they don't want to, let the police actually do something."

"That would be awesome." Cyborg sighed.

"Well… it would be irresponsible." Robin said unsurely, Batman's training causing him to be always vigilant.

"I'll tell Starfire you denied a vacation day." Ace threatened.

"You wouldn't."

"I would. Cyborg would back me up." Cyborg hm'd in agreement.

"Ugh, fine. I'll take a night off."

"See? Was that so hard?"

"Get it over with." Robin gritted out.

* * *

The three teens were gathered in the main lobby, checking out their outfits.

"I'm going to get so much tail." Beast Boy joked, straightening his bowtie.

"Prepare for a whole lot of 'nope'." Ace said teasingly, passing by looking for his white vest, "Has anyone seen my vest?"

"I'm still looking for my tuxedo." Robin said.

"Did we even get Cyborg a suit?" Beast Boy asked.

"Yeah!" Cyborg shouted from his room.

"Huh."

"Has anyone seen the girls?" Ace asked. This caused the three to stop.

"Actually, I haven't seen them since earlier today." Robin amended.

"Someone should go check their rooms." Ace said.

They all looked at each other.

"Rock, paper, scissors." Ace offered.

Ace pulled out rock against the two's scissors, which made them play another game, Robin beating Beast Boy.

"Robin gets Star, and BB gets Rae. And I don't have to do anything."

Robin and Beast Boy left to their assigned rooms. Attempting to open Raven's door, BB was immediately pushed back and the door slammed shut. Opening Starfire's door, it was shut with an audible "EEK!"

Ace peaked into the hallway,

"What's goin' on?"

"I don't know." Robin sighed.

Walking back to the main room, they sat down with a sigh.

"What's taking Cy so long?" Beast Boy asked.

"I have no idea." Agreed Ace.

"Ugh. This is just a clusterfuck." Robin swore.

"Are we still waiting on Cyborg?" Starfire asked from behind the couch. Turning, Robin recognized the pink dress she wore from the prom with Kitten. Good memories.

To her left stood Raven, cloaked pulled over herself.

"I'm going to assume you're wearing a dress as well?" Ace stated.

Parting her cloak slightly, Raven revealed a black dress.

"Huh." Ace was really wondering where she got a dress. He could've sworn she didn't have one when he was still pranking them.

"Screw this; I'm going to get Cy." Beast Boy stormed off into the direction of Cyborg's room. After a few minutes of idle chatter between the four, they were shocked by a ear-piercing scream. Rushing to the source, they were shocked to see a prone Cyborg on the floor, systems off and parts strewn everywhere.

"What happened." Robin asked, shocked.

"I don't know, I just came in here and found him like this." Beast Boy said, looking like he was on the verge of crying.

"Oh my G'lufnog…" Starfire gasped.

"Is he…" Ace started horrified.

"Yes…" BB cried.

Robin's look turned deadly,

"Then there's someone in the Tower, and he murdered one of our friends. We need to find him. Now." Robin growled.

"Thank you, Batman." Ace muttered under his breath.

"This isn't a time for joking!" BB yelled, startling the others, "My best friend is dead! And his murderer is still in the Tower."

The others shakily nodded.

"Alright. We need to split up." Robin ordered.

"No. Nonononononononono. No for so many reasons. Haven't you ever seen a horror movie before? No, we stay together." Ace said loudly.

Robin slowly nodded.

Walking out of the room, they nearly huddled together, frightened.

Walking to the lobby, they split apart each searching a different spot. After a few minutes of searching, they heard a muffled scream. Looking to the side, they saw a black hooded figure pulling Raven into the shadows. Rushing to them, they found Raven and the figure gone.

"OhmygodittookRae." Ace whispered.

They looked at him,

"What?"

"Never mind. Whatever you do, don't leave the group." Ace warned.

They jumped at the sound of something making a noise in the basement. Walking to it's door, they looked down the stairwell.

"I am not going down there." Starfire whimpered.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeah… count me out." Ace whispered.

"Titans, whatever _it_ is is down there." Robin scolded. The two looked at each other for a moment.

"Fine."

Walking down the basement stairs, they jumped at each little sound. Reaching the bottom, they all suspiciously looked around.

"AH!" Beast Boy screamed, being roughly dragged up the stairs by the torn robe wearing figure.

"BEAST BOY NO!" Robin screamed.

Rushing back up the stairs, they were yet again surprised by the nothingness. The three remaining Titans looked at each other.

Walking forwards, they legitimately huddled together, all shivering.

"I do not wish to die." Starfire whispered.

"You're not going to die Star. I'll make sure of it." Robin said softly.

All the sudden, the figure jumped out of the shadows, slicing Starfire's throat who immediately fell as her throat bled.

"NO!" Robin screamed as he ran at the figure. The robed thing ducked beneath his kick and backhanded him. Running at it, Ace had whipped his brass knuckles out and tried to hit it. It hit his arm in two places, making an audible snap. Moving it's arm, it sliced his other arm. Running towards the down Robin, he kneeled as it came towards them slowly.

"Robin, I'm scared." Ace whispered, holding his broken arm.

"I am too." Robin whispered as well, dazed by the force of the hit.

As the killer reached them and prepared to slash it's knife, Ace looked over at Robin,

"You shouldn't be,

Because you're on Scare Tactics." The killer froze.

"I am?" Robin gasped.

"No, but it _was_ a prank." Ace admitted and stood up, bending his 'broken' arm perfectly fine.

"What do you mean? So, the other Titans were in on it too?" Robin asked.

"That's the best part. They weren't. Other than Cyborg."

Robin was confused.

"Ok, look. The killer," he said, throwing the hood off of it, "Is a training bot. That's why it was such a good fighter. Star? The knife had a sedative on in that immediately knocked her out. It's actually pretty ingenious: It had a small trench on the sharp part that, at the push of a button by moi, would exude fake blood. So she went down, and it looked like she was bleeding."

Robin was still confused,

"What about the others?"

"Come." Ace led him back to Cyborg's room. Sitting, playing video games, he was surrounded by the unconscious other two.

"Took ya long enough." Cyborg chided.

"It wasn't that long." Ace defended. Cyborg shrugged.

"So, let me get this straight. Cyborg faked his death. Then the robot took Raven and knocked her out. Then it took Beast Boy and knocked him out. Then it convincingly knocked Star out. Then Ace revealed the plan."

They nodded.

"I'm… impressed. You managed to trick me," Robin looked around, "We should probably get them back to their beds."

"Bah, they'll be fine."

They still did it.

* * *

Ace had spent the majority of the next day in his room, ignoring Beast Boy's whining or the other's glares. It was still an awesome prank.

**That Night**

Raven and the others were awoken by the sound of scratching and clatter of objects. Walking out to the hallways, she was presented with the others gathered outside of Ace's door. He wasn't there.

Walking towards it, she got the oddest feeling that something was wrong.

"He's probably pranking us again." Beast Boy muttered sourly.

"No… this is real." Raven realized.

Cyborg immediately started slamming into the door, and on the third hit it gave way. Looking in with shock, they gasped at the scene.

The entire room was a mess: all of the items and furniture were ripped, broken, and thrown around. And most surprising of all was the red 'HAHAHAHAHA' adorning the walls. Sitting on his bed curled in a ball and shivering frantically, Ace sat staring at his costume that was ripped to shreds. He looked up at them, black hair framing his face.

They all just stared back in shock.

**A/N: DoctorWhoXX: Let it be known here, and somebody write it down: the one rule for this story, is that for pairings- there are no rules. He could get together with Rae, or he might not. He could get together with her in dozens of chapters. Depends on how I wing it. And I wing it so hard.**

**Link to image of bike: www .essentialstyleformen. . (Obviously without the spaces. )**

**Huh. Short chapter is short. You may have noticed the lack of an actual episode. That's because I was having so much fun with this unique chapter.**

**Did I get you guys to think that I actually killed the Titans? Huh?**

**********Alright, so I'm looking for a beta? Anybody want to volunteer?**

******Unfortunately updates will be uberuberuber slower due to school starting tomorrow. It sucks for everybody.**

**-Tired of quoting the show, Infernokota **


	13. Chapter 12: Insane Gods

**"How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target."**

**-Anonymous **

**Disclaimer: Imma cry… I don't own it… Except for my OCs… Except for Wolf…**

**A camera faultily flickers on as if being hacked, very uncharacteristic for these…**

**Jester sits on Ace's black bed, the room still very much trashed. He is smiling a very Joker-like smile.**

"Why, hello there. I'm coming at you with… another time skip!" He put his hand to his mouth in a fake gasp, "There will be an explanation, don't worry. We will be skipping 'Deception' and 'X'. You all okay with that? Bah, I don't care we're doing it anyway!"

**He begins laughing before viciously lunging at the camera, shutting it off.**

* * *

"You have so much explaining to do Robin." Beast Boy threatened.

"He is right, what have you kept from us about our friend?" Starfire asked earnestly.

Robin looked crushed,

"Okay, okay, you guys deserve the truth. He comes from Gotham." Robin half-lied.

"So what, he has some kinda PTSD thing about the Joker!?" Cyborg about yelled.

"Well… no." Robin winced. Usually he was really good at these kinds of things, but he couldn't throw away their trust of him again.

"What do you mean no!" Cyborg shouted.

Robin sighed,

"He… he's the Joker's adopted son…"

They stepped back,

"You let a psychopathic criminal into our house!" Beast Boy now yelled. Robin stood up defensively,

"You don't understand, I know how he feels!" they looked shocked, "He was taken in by someone that would end up getting him killed. I know how that feels. There was an… incident and he's suffering from amnesia, his entire life gone. Me and Batman had agreed that it would be a good idea to let him go free, live his life away from Arkham. That's not a life a child should live. My guess is that he followed me from Gotham and that's where he is now. I'm assuming that he's having residual memories of his past life and they're breaking through. And you're being children and not helping a trusted friend because he's going through a rough patch…"

They looked down sullenly, ashamed.

"You're right. We should be his friends and help him." Beast Boy said, conveying the general feeling.

"Alright, so what can we do?" Cyborg asked.

* * *

The Titans were worried. Not only for Ace, who had got them out of a jam more times than Robin could count, but for their own safety as well. They had approached him quite a few times, attempting to reach out. Each time ended with a sickly smile and slam of the door, a single word not said to any of them. Another frightening change was his schedule: he would spend an entire day in his room, only to come out for bread, strawberry jam, and peanut butter. It was actually confusing how he survived without water.

They tried to convince him to see a therapist. But it ended violently.

It was _weeks_ until they had heard something from him. After receiving a red alert about Dr. Light being up to his old shenanigans, they were shocked by Ace's door opening up fully, him stepping out. He had exchanged his robe out for a black trench coat with a grey Ace of Spades on the back. Instead of his hood, he let his hair hang loose and had painted his face black with a white skull on it. Needless to say, he looked quite different.

"So, what are we doing?" He asked sincerely, no evidence of the past few weeks.

"Uh…" Robin began, at a loss for words, "We're going after Dr. Light… Are you sure… are you sure you're ready to go?" Robin asked.

"Hm? Oh yes, I'm fine. I'm a little pent up to be honest. And hungry. Oh! We should go get some pizza after this!" Ace yelled happily.

They all looked at each other, not sure what to think.

"Okay…" Robin decided.

* * *

Ace was riding his bike happily besides the others, ignorant to their looks.

"Hey, we got a minor robbery at 2354 Monopoly Drive," Ace called out, "I got it, you guys hurry on to Light, I'll catch up."

They contemplated it for a minute before giving a collective affirmation.

* * *

"Hm. Well, someone's been a naughty boy." Ace teased to the unsuspecting robber.

"Wait… you're that Teen Titan that went missing a while ago," The robber blinked and then realized what he said, "Oh shit, you're a Titan."

Ace smiled and lunged at the man, skillfully hitting his head against the corner of a jewel case. Brutality that would've made Batman proud.

The man laid on the floor, groaning in pain. Not letting up Ace pounced on him, beating the man ruthlessly. He hummed a certain little tune before standing back. Fishing through his belt, he snatched a familiar small knife. Smiling again, he once again pounced only to be pulled back by Robin. Looking back, he saw the gathered Titans standing shocked.

"Oops."

"Ace, you were out of line back there. You tried to _kill _him. We don't kill. You have one more chance. If you don't, then we will have to get rid of you."

"Hm? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention." Ace admitted.

Robin gritted his teeth and turned away.

"Okay, be that way. I won't bother you anymore."

* * *

"Ace!" The Teen Titans shouted, searching for their lost teammate.

"He's just… gone." Robin sighed.

"Another one…" Beast Boy muttered. The others silently nodded their agreement.

The Titans sighed and sullenly went back to their duties.

* * *

"Victory is at hand," The Brain droned, "And for your part I give you… Robin." The collected crowd of villains cheered as Robin was pushed onto the main platform with the Brain.

"This isn't over." Threatened Robin.

"For you. It most certainly is." The Brain gloated.

As the sickly old man, Professor Chang, turned towards the lever preparing to freeze Robin, the crowd's cheering was overshadowed by one set of sharp claps. Murmuring amongst themselves, the villains parted to let the stranger through. Flashing his purple coat, the pale young man jumped up onto the stage with a flourish. Stepping forwards, he threw the Brotherhood a charismatic smile.

"The Jester?" Madame Rouge gasped.

* * *

"Brainy, Brainy," He chided, ignoring her, "How does it feel? To have defeated the Titans? Are you proud? Are you satisfied?" he turned to the crowd behind him, "You are all just a bunch of fuck ups!" they muttered more, "You shouldn't be proud! You defeated a bunch of _teenagers_! The oldest one is barely legal age! You know what? You can all come back and cheer when you've defeated the Justice League."

It was silence.

"In the meantime, you can all kiss my pale ass!" he shouted.

Rouge suddenly laughed

"It is kind of funny isn't it?" He said with another smile.

"It's not that. How do you plan to stop an entire army of villains." She laughed again cruelly, the crowd joining in.

"I'm not going to stop you all," They grew silent at that, "Hell, I'm just the distraction!" this got the Brain's attention.

"Distraction? For what?" at that moment, the groups led by Beast Boy and Cyborg burst in.

"That."

* * *

He watched with glee as the villains were overwhelmed by the teens. After the mayhem was stopped, the villains all frozen, and Beast Boy's bad joke over with, Robin walked forwards, the crowd at his back quiet in apt attention. Reaching in front of the stage where Ace, or Jester, was waiting he stood silent for a moment.

"So, what are you going to do now?" he asked.

"I'm going back to Gotham. I have much to do."

Robin nodded understandingly before fishing through his belt for something. Finding his communicator, he handed it to the other teen.

"Here. Now you can stay in contact with us. Welcome to Titans International."

Taking it tentatively, Jester put his hand forwards. Grabbing it, they embraced to the relieved cheers of the crowd.

"You'll be a good ally."

He was shook out of his happy reverie by a sound so familiar it would always haunt and frighten him until he died.

"HehehehehehehHahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHA!"

Stepping back, he looked in shock at Jester who was bent over in insane laughter. After a few minutes he stood up, amusement gone from his face.

"I'm not your ally. In fact, you should all be praying for your lives," This now shocked the crowd, "In fact, if you don't I will have you all killed."

Speedy stepped forwards,

"What can you do to all of us?"

Jester laughed again,

"I was hoping some idiotic jackass would say that." Snapping his fingers, leagues of armed men filed through the multiple doors, guns pointed at the Titans. Looking through the doors, it wasn't hard to see the endless men waiting.

Tentatively, Robin put his hands up, followed by the rest.

Jester hummed happily,

"Tranq them." He ordered. Immediately the men shot, tranqs hitting the teens that could be effected by them and special shots at the ones that couldn't.

"Freeze them."

* * *

Standing in front of the rather impressive display of heroes and villains he smiled to himself. Objective One of Project Ace Up My Sleeve was completed.

Leaving the room, he was confronted by a face he hadn't seen for a long time.

"Charade!" he shouted. Walking towards him, they shook hands in much the same way as he and Robin had a mere hour ago.

"How are things in Gotham?" Jester continued.

"As thought. Your parents have mostly forgot about you. Batman gave up the search and it's the thought of the general population that Harley and Joker killed you." Charade answered gruffly.

"Hm, It's funny how predictable people are."

"Yes, well the men are moving through Jump City to await your orders."

"Very good. Civilized maniacs they are."

* * *

"That's it you no good lying, scheming asshole!" Harley shouted at the Joker, "I'm leaving and you can't count on me coming back!"

"I don't need you!" the Joker shouted back, more so for the fun of it than actual anger, "I can get five thousand more like you. You're a dime a dozen! Leave! And don't expect me to take you back when you show up at the door begging me to love you!"

"Yeah, well- do you hear that?"

"Aw, are we done?" he pouted.

"No wait… somebody's knocking…"

Creeping over to the door, they looked at each other as the knocking came quicker and louder.

Mouthing 'One, two, three' Harley ripped the door open.

"Hi." Was all the Jester said.

Harley squealed and rushed forwards while the Joker's brain began to short out.

_He died. He got ate by Killer Croc and then butt touched by Two-Face._

No one ever said his train of thought made sense.

"Oh JJ, where have you been?" Harley continued, still squealing.

"Mom, you're smothering me." Playfully pushing her Mom's arms off of him, he turned to his Father.

"Dad. We have much to talk about."

This piqued the Joker's interest.

"Well, talk away."

* * *

"You're crazy." The Joker muttered quite hypocritically.

"If Mad Hatter was here he would've said we are all crazy." The Jester countered.

"Well some more than others."

"So, is the plan ago for you?"

Joker smiled frighteningly,

"Oh yes. You know, being a god sounds pretty cool."

**A/N: Plot twist motherfuckers! I'm fucking pumped! I'm back! And I enjoyed the fuck out of this one. Oh god, I've never looked so much forward into anything in my life.**

**If you imagined the Jester's laugh as Mark Hamill's Animated Series Joker laugh, you have my respect.**

**At this point and forwards, Jester's voice actor is now ****Dameon Clarke. Look him up.**

******Alright, so I'm looking for a beta? Anybody want to volunteer?**

**-Fucking Pumped, Infernokota**


	14. Chapter 13: UN of Great Gazoonia

"**The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well."**

**-Anonymous**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but his Majesty, Ruler of This World, and Sexiest Being Alive, Jester.**

**Not even Wolf.**

Clark Kent was going about his day as usual. He would report to the Daily Planet at a quarter to eight as usual, he said hi to Perry as usual, he kissed Lois as usual, he endured Jimmy's jokes as usual, and he sat at his desk and continued writing his latest story as usual. He couldn't complain, any day that Darkseid or Doomsday didn't attack, or he didn't get pestered by Mxyzptik or Lobo was a good day indeed.

Of course, this is an action story so that couldn't stay.

"Oooooooooooooooooooooh Clarky-Boy!"

Clark stood up and looked in the general direction of the voice.

"Gotcha, bitch!"

He stumbled forwards at the familiar feeling of kryptonite poisoning his body. Reaching behind him, he ripped the knife out of his back and dropped it.

It was glowing green. Whoever was facing him knew who he was.

"Oh Clark, you didn't forget about little old me already, did you?"

Turning swiftly, he pushed past the person without getting a good look at him. If he wanted to fight, he would get a fight, but only on Superman's terms.

Seeing the figure standing next to his desk, patiently waiting, Superman flew through the window's facing outside and grabbed the man and continued out the other side of the building before dropping the man onto a field. The man rolled over and over before barrel-rolling onto his feet with an extravagant flip.

"Oh, Supes! I didn't know you were coming to the party. I'm sorry, that's a lie. Hell, I'm the one who invited you!"

Superman sighed, "I take it the mind wipe didn't work, Jester?"

The Jester laughed before stretching widely, enjoying the feeling of his old outfit greatly. You can only wear a robe for so long before it gets boring.

"Of course it didn't. Genius, remember?"

Superman's eyes narrowed, "Why would you come and face me head on?"

"Why, I'm waiting for you to fall into my trap!"

Suddenly, the ground beneath Superman gave out startling him. As he fell into a long metal tube, he once again felt the pain of kryptonite, more than likely imbedded into the walls.

Landing on something moderately soft, Superman tiredly looked around in wonder.

"Is this…"

"Why, yes. Looks like Bats _really_ didn't trust you." The Jester said, appearing out of nowhere.

Superman looked at it all, shocked that the Dark Knight had done this without Clark's knowledge, an entire cave filled top to bottom with technology.

"Well, now that you're perfectly ready for the end, let's rub some dirt in your wounds."

He pointed a remote at the Bat-Computer and clicked button a on it.

Clark gasped at the sight, "Are you really…"

"Yes. Yes I am."

On the screen were red dots connected by lines at New York, Los Angeles, Boston, Chicago, Washington D.C., Gotham, Metropolis, Star, Themyscira, Central, Atlantis, Ferris Airport, and… The Watchtower.

"What are… what are you planning?"

The Jester laughed cruelly, "I'm not telling you. Although, you play a majorly important part in my master plan."

Pressing the remote again, a trapdoor opened up beneath Superman, plunging him into a chamber made of even more kryptonite.

"I love you, Lex." Jester cooed before pressing another button. The screams were music to his ears.

* * *

Batman sat in his cave, tiredly putting his hands onto his face. It bothered him how long it had been since the Joker had escaped from Arkham, and he knew that that meant he was planning something big.

He was shaken out of his worried reverie by the urgent beeping of the computer in front of him. On the map, a red dot pulsated squat in the middle of Metropolis. At the site of his secret cave.

Punching in a few keys, he attempted to access the cave's cameras and the feed began for a split second before it dissolved into static and a picture of the Joker's face appeared in the middle of the screen.

"Hello, Batsy! I've missed you!" The Joker yelled, looking ready to give the Batman a hug through the monitor.

"How did you get into my system." Batman growled out, stone faced. He was very happy that he kept his mask on while in the cave.

"Let's say we both underestimated my boyo a hundred percent, hm?"

Batman's eyes widened imperceptibly, "The Jester's back?"

The Joker laughed, "Of course he is, it's his grand scheme."

Batman sighed through his nose, "I'm assuming that Metropolis is your doing?"

The Joker laughed again, "O-o-oh, he's already- hahahahahaha- he's already there…" He bent over in glee, "Call Superman, call him- but put him on speaker phone, I want to hear this!"

Bruce's eyes widened widely now.

Hitting the quick button to Clark's phone, he waited patiently,

"I'm sorry, Clark can't get to the phone right now-" There was a scream in the background, "I'm sorry, he can't come to the phone right now. So get your ass to Metropolis and see him for yourself." The voice ended, borderline hissing.

Batman was already gone.

* * *

Bruce pulled into the Metropolis cave warily and got out of his car.

"Superman?" He called out, ever suspicious.

"B-Bruce…" a weak voice called back.

Running forwards, he turned a corner to see a horrifying sight: Superman was hanging off of a machine, he being pale and thin, his cheeks sunken and his hair excruciatingly thin as well.

"Clark," Batman said, decorum gone, "What's happened-"

"No… no time… you have to- you have to get out…"

It was the next word that frightened Batman to his core,

"Trap…" Superman said before slumping forwards.

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh Batsy-Poo!"

Batman turned behind him to see the Jester standing confidently.

"So, I killed your best friend, killed your son and his little ragtag team of heroes. I'm two for two right now. Wanna go for three?"

Batman barely registered anything after 'son'. He ran at the teen with pure fury, throwing a volley of batarangs in front of him, which the Jester easily dodged.

Reaching him, Batman swung with all of his might, catching the psychopath squarely in the jaw.

All he did was flinch.

Darting forwards at an impossible speed, he hit the Batman with a downwards hit, a resounding thud following it.

The hit sent Bruce into the ground, making an impossible dent.

Well, it was obvious to the Batman what had happened.

"You… stole Clark's powers." He said, thankful that the Jester only put a little force into it.

"Bingo, buckaroo." The Jester said with a smile.

The clown grabbed Batman by his throat and flew upwards quickly, bursting through the roof of the cave.

Looking down on Metropolis, the Jester smiled at the Batman once again, "Want to go on a test run?"

Dashing forwards, he continuously skimmed buildings and shot lasers at people's feet, although curiously enough he didn't kill anybody.

"Okay, that was boring, wanna just skip to the main events?"

* * *

Selina Kyle wasn't necessarily doing anything. Sure, she had shot Bruce down on that fancy-shmancy charity ball, but sometimes a girl just needs some me-time, you know?

So, sitting down with a bowl of cereal, she lazily flipped through the channels until she came across something that perked her interest,

"Ladies and gentlemen of the United States, we interrupt your scheduled programming for an emergency announcement."

The screen cut to the president of the United States, the collected members of the U.N. behind him.

He looked absolutely angered beyond belief, the world leaders behind him looking the same.

"My fellow Americans, and the rest of the world. We have a crisis-"

"Okay, you've already bored me, so I'm going to take over for you, mmkay?"

Suddenly the president went flying into the crowd, a new man taking his place.

Selina dropped her spoon, "No shit?"

The Jester smiled into the camera, "Hello, civilians. I'm here to give you a little heads up about the events taking place in the next few months. This… is a hostile takeover. You're all my families' bitches until someone manages to dethrone us, or till the sun supernovas and kills us all. The men and women behind me are now political prisoners, as is the governmental processes behind each and every country in this world. Don't worry, nothing will happen to you little britches-soilers, on one condition: you bring me all of the superheroes. I want the Justice League, I want the freelance agents, I want the anti-heroes, I want the heroes of the future. I. Want. Them all. I have plans for this universe, starting with here then I want Oa, and every other sentient planet out there. Then we can start taking over other dimensions, ooh I'm looking forwards to those. Now, your former leaders are going to put on a little island called Alcatraz. Mines have been placed in the water and they will remain there, even when the ice comes and covers up that bay."

He stepped back.

"We don't have to listen to you!" One brave (see: idiotic) revolutionary said from off screen.

The Jester sighed and turned to the man, quickly blasting him with duel beams of light coming out of his eyes killing the man instantly.

Jester sped off screen for a moment before returning with a beaten and wrecked Batman, mask perfectly fine.

"We have the first two heroes, Batman and Superman. I have the abilities of the latter, and your little revolutions will be quickly and ruthlessly crushed beneath my superhuman iron fist, savvy?"

The crowd presumably nodded.

"Very well. Remember, superheroes, chop-chop."

He crouched low before springing upwards, through the roof.

Selina watched the screen with wide eyes.

And that dick cat had taken her cereal.

**Twelve Months Later**

The Jester sat comfortably in his chair to the left of his father's, his mother's to the Joker's right.

Standing up, he walked to the newly placed balcony attached to Arkham, the Joker's home base. While it was Jester's plan that gave them the world, it was Joker who owned it.

Ninety-eight heroes. That was the grand total that the United Nation of Great Gazoonia (Joker had come up with that one) had collected

He was the military general, or so to say. There wasn't really that much of an army mostly Joker thugs, and he was seriously considering starting a draft of some sort.

One thing that worried him was the lack of superheroes. Sure they got the big ones like Martian Manhunter and Wonder Woman, but there was just too many less famous ones missing.

He was sure that they were simply hiding out somewhere, gathering strength to strike back. He was comfortable with the fact that even if they could overthrow the empire, he could kill most of them with his bare hands.

* * *

"Go." Vigilante said, rushing forwards with a group of other superheroes behind him.

Rushing across the street, they turned to their savor with praise,

"Thanks, little lady." He said with a tip of his hat.

"No problem." The blue eyed girl with long blonde hair replied, before leading them into the factory.

"This is them?" Vigilante asked, conveying the groups general thought.

"Yep." She replied awfully cheerfully.

"How do we get them out?"

"This button over here." She said, walking to the aforementioned button.

"Okay, I gotta go now. Make sure to only let the guys that I picked out out, okay?"

"No problem, missy. And thanks again for all of the help."

She smiled and walked away, stealing a look at one of the captured heroes.

"Well, boys get to work."

And so they did, releasing all of the captured heroes, an impressive feat in itself.

"Hold up, kid. Give me your arm." He said to one in particular.

"I'm fine." He said quietly, yet stubbornly.

"No, you're not. You've been out for quite a while. Swallow your pride and give me your hand."

The hero relented for a moment before extending his arm, of which Vigilante grabbed by the wrist.

"You've been out a long time, partner. And we need your help getting it back to the way the world was when you were in commission."

"What do you mean?"

"Jester. He's gone out of his mind and taken over everything. World's gone to hell." He answered sourly.

"Okay… what now-"

"They're in here!" A gruff voice sounded from a ways away, armed men filing in.

"Balls," Vigilante swore, "Listen, you gotta get out of here. Take your team and leave the city. Head to Gotham. You'll be safe there."

"But-" The man began.

"No buts, you idgit. Now go." Vigilante ordered.

He took his ragtag group of superheroes and led them to the doorway, them preparing their various weapons.

He looked back at the young hero.

"Go."

Robin nodded once.

* * *

"Alright team, this is our shot. We can win. We can do this. If we can get at least Batman, maybe Superman, then we can get this place back together." Robin said confidently.

The teens shouted loudly.

Kicking the door to Arkham open, the main base of the Jokers and where the heroes were being kept.

Instead of the security force they had been expecting, the madhouse's halls were eerily quiet and deserted, nothing inhabiting them.

Walking blindly forwards, Robin realized how scared his team was.

He was too, despite his history with this place and its occupants.

Still continuing on their way, they could've sworn that they had been hearing things, but it was probably nothing.

Reaching the cafeteria, he realized it had been changed into a theater, a stage constructed at the front.

Standing on it with a curtain behind his back was the Jester.

"Brava, Robin and friends. You've been brave and made it this far and I commend you for that. Unfortunately, your journey ends here."

Raising his hands, the curtains behind raised to reveal an impressive amount of figures, all appearing to be inmates at Arkham. Of course, the odd supercriminal could be picked out among the crowd.

The Jester smiled maliciously,

"Now you're in the world of wolves and we welcome all you sheep."

**A/N: Damn, this was a long time in the making. So, what do ya'll think of the plot twist? Whatever. Is the end to evilly campy? Answers, I need answers dammit! That's another thing, not a lot of swearing in this one.**

**Anyhaps, hope this one was good. It's been a damn long time since I've uploaded, hasn't it.**

******Alright, so I'm looking for a beta? Anybody want to volunteer?**

**LOL, R&R**

**-Jester's Bitch, Infernokota**


End file.
